


I'll be your spring (so we can smile together)

by xxxshuaholic (meclanitea)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, I think this fic hurt me more than the characters hurt in the fic, Josh is everyone's crush, Library AU, Light Angst, M/M, Wonwoo likes flowers just because, absurd amounts of pining lord, eventual Wonhui, flower shop au, much pining and suffering for Wonwoo, one-sided WonSoon, there's like blatant but miniscule gyuhao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 01:10:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12265854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meclanitea/pseuds/xxxshuaholic
Summary: After his 21st spring, Jeon Wonwoo is sure for his love of three things - books, flowers, and Kwon Soonyoung, the latter not even having a clue about his feelings. One night changes everything and suddenly he finds himself in a weird friendship with a stranger who is somehow super friendly, undeniably handsome, and smells like Baby's Breathaka the Wonhui lowkey flower shop/library au without the flower shop but with the library.





	I'll be your spring (so we can smile together)

**Author's Note:**

> I DON'T HAVE A BETA FOR THIS SO I AM SORRY THAT THE TENSES ARE PROBABLY EVERYWHERE AND DJHKSBHMB ANYWAY. 
> 
> For the sake of this fic, let's pretend all these flowers are growable in Korea;;;
> 
> RATED FOR SWEARING AND DRINKING. The drinking part itself is not major so you could skip to the convos but read with caution if you're not into that! 
> 
> Very (as in veryyyyy) loosely based on Bokura ga Koi wo Ushinau Riyuu (pretty much just 2 scenes and the whole childhood friends thing tho that is also...very loose lol)
> 
> There's some discussion about being gay in S. Korea/China and I based these more as my experience as a ph queer woman so it won't be totally accurate to the experience of east asian gay men. Therefore, the discussion was more general, rather than specifics of the experience. This fic isn't really about the queer struggle but it is part of it. Message me if it's problematic and I will do my best to rectify ;-;
> 
> Title taken from Laughter by SVT (kinda but eh).
> 
> Finally, SPECIAL THANKS TO [@averyblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/averyblue/pseuds/averyblue) , [@half_rice](http://archiveofourown.org/users/half_rice/pseuds/half_rice) , AND ALL MY OTHER IRL KPOP FRIENDS + MY BEST FRIEND FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT. You guys are the true mvps. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy;;

In the 6th spring of Jeon Wonwoo's life, flowers have changed him. From the surrounding trees of his local kindergarten, come falling petals filling the air like snow. The graduation ceremony isn’t all that memorable to Wonwoo but the sight of colorful flora around him makes his heart beat like nothing else. The fragrances they give off stir his senses and make him all giddy. It’s as if he were whisked into the storybook his mom would read to him before bed - the land of flowers where the seemingly timid village girl eventually becomes the much beloved hero. It’s the first time he has ever felt this way. He wants nothing more but to know every flower and learn their name and scent and just everything about them.

 

The excitement and awe he felt at that moment is how he feels the very first time he met Kwon Soonyoung 10 years later.

 

Fast forward to the 21-year old college student version of Wonwoo in Seoul, hanging around in a bar, and being absolutely shitfaced because it’s been five years since this all started and Kwon Soonyoung still doesn’t have a fucking clue. Wonwoo holds the shot glass and shakes it in front of himself, as if he were inspecting the most interesting thing in the world. The bar isn’t filled since it’s a Thursday; and instead of the usual dance pop or EDM tunes, quieter house music fills the room and it almost lulls him into sleep.

He is woken from his dream-like state when a hand is placed on his shoulder. He takes a second to register that his hubae, Mingyu, is looking at him pointedly.

“Hyung, you’ve had enough. Let’s get you home to sleep it off. I know exams were bad but you’ve got it real bad. I really wished you picked a time to get wasted when Soonyoung-hyung wasn’t busy though,” Mingyu exasperates. Mingyu is tall for his age - tall for anyone really - but it’s moments like these, you can tell just how young Mingyu is. His pout is a classic dongsaeng move and he has this annoyed puppy look that usually gets his sunbae to stop teasing him or the like.

 _But that’s exactly why I’m drunk right now - so that Soonyoung won’t see me like this._ Wonwoo blames Soonyoung for his obliviousness but it’s not like he has told anyone about how he feels either. Mingyu has unknowingly been dragged along in the mess that Wonwoo is feeling right now. Finals just ended and that had been filled with a lot of co-dependency with his roommate (aka Soonyoung) to do even the most menial tasks like taking a bath or buying pens for the exams. Soonyoung doesn't know what personal space is. All those domestic activities made Wonwoo ache for something he knows he wasn’t allowed to yearn for and he needed an out. When the happy-go-lucky dancer had told him that his club would have a drinking party, he heads out with the first person who agreed to drink with him, which fortunately or unfortunately for said person, is Mingyu.

This isn’t exactly routine but Wonwoo has done this a few times ever since he turned legal. He gets overwhelmed by his Soonyoung feelings over an interval of months, and then he drinks it all out. He’s drank with people from his department, some of his orgmates, people from high school - no one has seen Wonwoo get drunk enough to forget his senses. Wonwoo's good at keeping his mouth shut. This is Mingyu’s first time being subjected to his drunk-on-Soonyoung nights and he’s handling it a lot better than others have (Joshua-hyung couldn’t lift Wonwoo's weight and even had his roommates help move Wonwoo and he ended up crashing on Joshua’s floor).

Wonwoo wonders how obvious he is to a third party looking into his relationship with Soonyoung. Mingyu doesn’t look like he’s picked up anything about them besides their closeness from being high school friends. _Maybe that’s why Soonyoung doesn’t know, but how can he not know? Not when I look at him the way I do._

It’ll be nice to say all of this out loud one of these days but openness is not what Wonwoo calls his strong point, and with his inebriated state right now, it's not the ideal state to have a sudden outburst of slurred feeling vomit, and maybe even actual vomit. Not that Wonwoo is as drunk as Mingyu thinks, not really. He’s a drink away from being tipsy but he won’t push it that far. He’s not ready for all his secrets to spill out, only to be forgotten by tomorrow’s hangover.

Wonwoo nods at Mingyu once, then blinks. He uses his hands to scope the edge of the bar table and grabs it to push himself off of the stool. His jerk movement causes his wallet to fall down from his lap as he stands up. Wonwoo groans and brings his hands to his face. He tries to readjust his glasses before patting his pants for his phone so that he can open up his flashlight, but his sight is suddenly obstructed by his wallet being swayed in front of his face.

“Hey, is this yours?”

Wonwoo does a double-take and sees an unfamiliar face handing him his wallet. It’s a guy that’s maybe as tall as he is and wow, this stranger is really, really handsome; obviously attractive even under the dim lights of the bar. He stares for a few moments and notes the pointed nose, and the large eyes, and the friendly smile. He smells like Baby’s breath and it reminds Wonwoo of his kindergarten graduation briefly until his senses kick in and he reaches out for his wallet. Baby’s Breath is for weddings, not endings, even happy ones.

“Uh..thanks.” He rubs the back of his neck, hoping the red in his cheeks will be attributed to his intoxicated state instead of his embarrassment of being in said intoxicated state.

The guys tries to suppress a laugh and Wonwoo is positive it’s because he must look like a wreck right now. “Yeah, no problem.”

“Hyung. C’mon, let me help you out. I already called for an Uber.” Mingyu’s voice brings him back to earth. The younger boy offers his arm and Wonwoo complies. Still, he stumbles around a bit and he starts to think that maybe he’s leaning more towards tipsy than he originally thought. The handsome mystery man calls him out.

“Um, hey, do you want some help? You can kinda barely stand. It’s hard to walk with only one guy supporting you.” The guy looks genuinely concerned but Wonwoo stares him down because friendly strangers, no matter how nice they seem, are still strangers.

“Only if you want help that is, yeah,” the man adds sheepishly.

Well, what the hell right? As long as he keeps his wallet and phone with Mingyu, it’s not like the stranger can do anything to him. If he harasses Wonwoo with the slightest intention, his 6-foot hubae can surely take him down.

“Mingyu-ya, get my wallet and phone,” he slurs. He then gestures at the other man and holds out his arm. “Thanks for the help.”

The man stifles a laugh and takes his other arm. They get to the outside of the bar and the man’s phone rings. He lets Wonwoo put down his weight properly before he picks up to a ring tone that doesn’t sound familiar at all (It didn’t sound either Korean or English and Wonwoo wonders what language it is in). The man begins to speak in a different language and it surprises Wonwoo before Mingyu tugs on his sleeve.

“Hyung, the Uber’s here.”

Wonwoo barely registers the words, but the next thing he knows is that he’s being coaxed into the backseat. He gets one last glance at the mystery man before Mingyu closes the door. Mr Tall, Dark, and Handsome seems to be done with his phone call and waves briefly at Wonwoo and smiles. He then turns toward the opposite of the bar’s entrance. Wonwoo would question this if he were sober but the comfort of the car seat eases him to sleep.

 

-

When Wonwoo wakes up, there’s a buzzing in his head but nothing too bad. He looks around and sees a stream of sunlight peeking out from his window. It’s probably morning and he suspects Mingyu went back home, the boy was nowhere in sight. His apartment with Soonyoung is pretty much just a slightly big bedroom that has a bathroom attached to it. It has enough space to let two boys sleep with space for their clothes and belongings, and a small kitchen which only really serves to act as display, except for their refrigerator. Now, that item was being fully used.

There are no signs of Soonyoung getting home yet either, thankfully so. Wonwoo not only looks a mess, he smells like one. He grabs his phone and makes a quick text thanking Mingyu for putting up with him yesterday, and that he owes him. He forces himself to sit up and open the window so that some air can circulate properly. The scent of the flowers from the nearby trees of their apartment complex enters with the breeze and Wonwoo briefly recalls Baby’s Breath and a friendly smile. Soon, such thoughts are followed by those of white and purple lilacs surrounding a giggling boy in a blazer.

The door opens and in comes a rather chirpy figure.

“Hey, I brought us breakfast- wow, you look terrible. Did you just wake up?”

Soonyoung doesn’t look the least bit hungover, and that is weird. What time is it anyway? Normally, Soonyoung’s a real happy drunk that crashes into the late early mornings and it takes at least until lunch time for him to recover. He’s wearing his clothes from yesterday but has obviously already bathed. Besides his backpack, he carries a paper bag.

His roommate’s happy demeanor relaxes his being.“Yeah. Is it that late?”

“Nah, it’s only 9 am. You don’t have class anymore, right? Don’t worry. Mingyu told me about last night and I brought you some hangover remedies. My orgmate promises me this shake will totally work.” Soonyoung procures a plastic bottle with some green liquid in it from his paper bag. Wonwoo looks skeptically at him and squints his eyes suspiciously at the drink.

He then looks up to Soonyoung and the ends of his mouth curve up. “Can’t believe Mingyu stayed sober.”

“I think he had no choice after seeing you, and I quote, “drink one after another like there’s no tomorrow”,” Soonyoung snickers at his words and Wonwoo rolls his eyes.

“Guess I won’t be drinking with him again anytime soon.” Wonwoo runs over his hair with a sigh. He didn’t plan on bothering Mingyu that much when he had invited him, and now he has been a totally irresponsible sunbae.

“You never even drink with me! I’ve never seen a wasted Jeon Wonwoo and that’s so unfair,” Soonyoung teases with a high-pitched voice, coupled with absurd hand gestures.

Wonwoo’s worries washes over him. He snorts. “It’s ‘cause you always crash before I do so I have to stay the sober one.”

“I don’t know what you’re possibly talking about. I’m not the one who needs the Wen family’s specially crafted hangover cure.” Soonyoung holds up a bottle with some green looking fluid. Wonwoo’s not entirely sure if he wants to know what’s inside.

“The Wen family?”

Soonyoung takes out Tupperware filled with food out of the his paper bag. He then heads towards their kitchen area. “My orgmate is Chinese. He made us breakfast too - or I guess I paid for the ingredients so you owe me!”

“My hero,” Wonwoo, a smile tugging at his lips.

Soonyoung returns with a goofy smile plastered onto his face, and the hangover remedy in one hand. He approaches till he’s inches away from Wonwoo and points a finger at his chest. “Aww Jeon Wonwoo, where would you be without me?”

 _Not suffering from unrequited love maybe but also probably nowhere near as happy._  Wonwoo scoffs. “Hungover without the Wen family’s magical drink.”

Soonyoung’s grin widens. “That’s right! Now drink up. I have class at eleven so I’ll just sort out my things.” Soonyoung hands him the bottle and sits down in front of him. He opens it cautiously and tries to test out whether the smell is a sign to go for it or to drain it down.

“You didn’t drink last night?”

Soonyoung waves him off. “Nah, it was just a normal dinner, then we stayed over at someone’s house to watch some choreo to get ideas for the December showcase.”

Soonyoung is a dance major specializing in contemporary. Wonwoo goes to the yearly shows but only really pays attention when its Soonyoung’s turn. Soonyoung’s amazing at dancing. That is how they first met. Soonyoung was playing around to some tune in their high school courtyard with a friend of Wonwoo’s from middle school. The rest, as they say, is history.

“Summer’s only about to start and you’re already thinking about a showcase in December?” Wonwoo holds the bottle to his mouth and takes tentative sips. It’s not as bad as he thought it’d be.

“It’s a big project. Big names are going and it’s really important since we’re graduating a year right after…kinda scary to be honest.” Soonyoung rubs the back of his neck and looks to the floor. His mouth is pressed into a hard line and Wonwoo doesn’t like it.

“You’ll be alright Soonyoung.”

Wonwoo places the bottle down and reaches out and squeezes Soonyoung’s shoulder. “I mean, I don’t really know much about dancing, but I see how hard you work and how it’s always on your mind. I mean the showcase is like half a year away and you’re already preparing. You’re gonna blow them away.” He gives the other boy a small smile. Wonwoo’s not always good at comforting but it’s Soonyoung and god knows he’ll always try if it’s him.

Soonyoung looks up and Wonwoo notices the tiredness in them. They seem to soften as he reaches up to Wonwoo’s hand and squeezes it back with his opposite hand. He smiles gently. “Thanks Wonwoo.”

The blush creeps up his face, and Wonwoo instinctively looks away. He hesitantly takes back his arm and Soonyoung giggles. Wonwoo swears there’s no better sound than Soonyoung’s laugh.

“Well, I better sort out my stuff for practice later. You have any plans for today?” Soonyoung cocks his head in question.

Wonwoo eyes the books from his backpack. “Maybe I’ll go to the library to read. There won’t be a lot of people now, they’ll be busy packing for the summer.”

Soonyoung stands up and heads to his closet. “You’re staying for the summer, right? You don’t have to stay with me here.”

Wonwoo can practically hear his heartbeat. _Calm yourself Jeon._  There’s little chance that Soonyoung knows that he is in fact staying here for him but those chances are surely going to increase if he doesn’t steady his voice. “It’s okay, I’ll get bored at home anyway and it’s hot there. I’ll be back in December.” He stands and gets his towel. “I’ll go take a bath. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, later!” Soonyoung shouts in a sing-song voice.

 

-

Summer at the university is usually quiet. A lot of students still take summer classes or internships at their departments, but majority head back home for the break. Wonwoo thinks home is alright, but he literally does nothing there but suffer under the hot sun. At least in Seoul, he can stay in the company of air-conditioners and books at the library, without spending money or worrying about his parents’ electricity bill. He also has two summer classes in the afternoons to help him prep for the upcoming semester. His orgmates also wanted to prepare for application processes in the fall and as an upcoming junior, he should help the seniors for that. Besides, Soonyoung isn’t going home either. He wants to spend the whole summer preparing for the showcase so that he won’t be distracted for his other courses. Absolutely not Wonwoo’s actual primary reason for staying. Not at all.

As of now, summer classes don’t start till next week, and Wonwoo has decided to get some reading done while he can. He sits in front of a window at the second floor. It’s maybe around 10:30 a.m. but the place is almost empty. The only one he knows here is Joshua, the library assistant stationed at the first floor. Joshua’s a friend of his organization’s current president. They hit it off with their mutual love for reading. His nice demeanor and awesome guitar skills had made a nice distraction for Wonwoo over the past two years when he was busy antagonizing himself over Soonyoung. He is the epitome of what a happy crush is.

Happy crushes come and go for Wonwoo. They’re more of eye candy and a fleeting feeling of happiness, rather than the usual heart-throbbing mess he feels with Soonyoung. They help him keep sane and help him think that there’s more to the world than just pining over your best friend, though he’s not sure if he’s ready for that.

He opens up the book he has chosen before sitting down and starts reading, but is as quickly disturbed when an unfamiliar high-pitched voice calls to him.

“Hey, you’re that guy from yesterday!”

The friendly stranger from the bar solidifies in front of him with rather more casual clothing. Last night, he had been wearing a slim cut pair of denim jeans and a button-down long-sleeved shirt with mid-navy blue tones. His comma hair had been obviously waxed, whereas now, his flat hair gives him almost mushroom bangs. He’s wearing a bright yellow shirt with the words “HERO” at the center in red, along with jogging pants and a worn-out grey jacket at his waist. He’s carrying a duffel bag and stands with more weight to the side holding it. It makes him look somehow cartoonish and a lot more easy-going than Wonwoo had pegged him for the night before. Despite the drastic outfit change, they did nothing to downplay his features - the sharp nose, the soft eyes, the lopsided grin on his face. Somehow the faint scent of flowers linger around him.

Wonwoo’s eyes dart around. “Uh..yeah. Thanks for helping me out.”

“So, are you actually the studious type? ” The guy’s grin widens.

“Hm.”

“Mind if I sit here?” The handsome stranger, who Wonwoo now dubs as Mr. Baby’s Breath or ‘MBB’ in his mind, gestures to the seat in front of him.

“Go ahead.” Wonwoo adjusts his glasses and goes back to his reading. He notices MBB relax into his seat and start piling up some notebooks in front of him. When Wonwoo finished the chapter, he sees that his table-mate had left the table but is now returning with a couple of textbooks. After settling back down, he gets some papers from his bag and starts to scribble some things into the first notebook.

MBB catches him staring, and Wonwoo quickly covers himself with his book. He doesn’t see the response and wonders if they are laughing at him but he doesn’t hear a peep from the other side.

About two hours later, Wonwoo is halfway done with his book and puts it down to stretch. As he lets his hands reach up into the air, he sees that MBB has sported a couple of earphones and is visibly bopping his head to some tune. The initial pile of notebooks has somehow been transferred to his opposite side, along with some other textbooks. In the midst of writing, he suddenly perks up and pulls up his phone. He takes off the earphones and starts packing.

Wonwoo, now starting on his head stretches, decides to look the other way to avoid being caught again. Once he finished, Mr. Baby’s Breath comes back from the shelves and gathers his materials. He chucks them into the duffel bag before looking at Wonwoo and giving him a smile.

“Well, then.” He salutes and leaves towards the staircase.

 _A new distraction._  Wonwoo peeks from the window where the entrance can be seen. He doesn’t go back to his reading until he sees the boy disappear back into the campus grounds.

-

The Monday after, Wonwoo is back at the library at the same place. Registration for summer classes doesn’t begin until next week so he’s killing all his free time by reading. He can prep for the classes when they actually start. He is done with the book from yesterday and has started a new one. As he opens it up in his seat, someone speaks up to him.

“Hey, you’re here again.”

Wonwoo looks up to see Mr. Baby’s Breath. His fashion is somehow some loose clothing again, but this time with a backwards red snapback on. He almost looks like a skater boy of some sort.

“Hm.” Wonwoo grunts at him.

“That’s a novel, isn’t it?” MBB points to his book.

“Yeah.”

“You like to read?”

“Thus the novel I’d say.”

MBB snorts into his fist. “Yeah, I’d say too,” he says, with a chuckle in his voice. _It’s a cute laugh,_  Wonwoo thinks.

The other boy places his hand on the seat in front of him again. “Is it okay if I sit here again?”

Wonwoo nods and shrugs. “I don’t own the place”

Laughter starts to bubble out of MBB. “Hah! What’s with that?” He is clearly trying to suppress a giggling fit as he sits down.

Like the last time they were here, Mr. Baby Breath takes out a couple of notebooks and starts writing in them. They don’t talk again but nod to each other in acknowledgment when he packs up and leaves two hours later.

Wonwoo puts him out of his mind till he reads about the main character describing his love interest’s laugh and comparing it to sunshine. The thought is brief before it changes into Soonyoung’s laughter ringing in his ears.

He takes a break and just stares at the scenery before reading again.

-

This time, when Wonwoo arrives to the second floor, with a new book in hand, he sees that Baby’s Breath is already seated in front of his usual spot. He takes his place and sees that the other engrossed in some science-looking textbook. He places the book down and takes out some pressed flowers from his bag.

“Hey! You already finished your last book? Didn’t you just start that one?”

Wonwoo’s eyes flicker up. “Yeah. I was here the whole day yesterday.” He takes one of the flowers and stuffs the rest back into his bag. “You like this spot too, huh?”

MBB’s got his chin rested on one of his hands while the other twirls a pen. “Hm. I guess so. It’s a nice view I guess?” He gives Wonwoo a knowing sort of smile when Wonwoo doesn’t look to the window. “Am I bothering your reading?”

“No. Not really.”

“If you really want me to sit somewhere else, I can.”

Wonwoo frowns. “I didn’t say that.”

The ends of MBB’s mouth curl up. “Are those pressed flowers you’re using as bookmarks?” He gestures to the flowers Wonwoo holds on top of his book. Wonwoo holds up the small yellow flowers.

“Yeah, they’re Acacia.”

Baby’s breath cocks his head to the side. “Did you choose them specifically or you just like pressed flowers?”

“Well, Acacia symbolizes secret love and this story is about forbidden love between this princess and her cousin. I guess it just seemed fitting.” _Secret love. Soonyoung_. They repeat in Wonwoo’s mind.

He’s taken out of his thoughts when MBB speaks up. “Oh, that’s pretty cool! So, do you have a bunch of different pressed flower bookmarks?” He looks genuinely interested and Wonwoo smiles a little.

“Yeah, I have a few.” He takes out the flowers from his pack. There’s an assortment on the table now. Purple Anemone with several petals, for his last book, which was a war story; pink Aster, for the book he was reading when they first met - about a mother looking for her child; a yellow Gerbera Daisy, the first pressed flower he has ever done. He made it for his childhood book full of hope and cheer. It’s the flower that reminds him most of Soonyoung.

The eyes of the man before him are twinkling. He approaches the flowers with slight hesitancy, looking at Wonwoo thoughtfully before picking up the Daisy. “And you do this all by yourself?”

Wonwoo nods. “Yeah.”

“That’s cool.” He puts the flower down and beams brightly at Wonwoo. “Thanks for showing me!”

A comfortable silence builds up again once they each get into what they’re doing. Wonwoo’s the first to leave today. He taps the other boy’s shoulder once he’s already packed and behind him. He does a little wave and is met with a wave and a smile. When Joshua greets him goodbye downstairs, he remarks that Wonwoo seems to be in a good mood. Wonwoo shrugs and trudges his way back home.

-

The next day, Wonwoo does some shopping for him and Soonyoung, and does not visit the library. He doesn’t think much of it until he picks up his borrowed book when he gets home. He sees his bookmark and thinks it rather fits his library seat mate. Maybe he’ll give that away the next time they meet.

When Wonwoo goes to the library the day after however, he’s alone until he leaves. He doesn’t notice his own sigh till he returns the book back to the book shelf.

He scratches his head as he cleans up and goes home.

-

Monday morning, he’s sitting at his spot until a familiar voice echoes near him.

“Hey, you’re here, Let me show you something!” Baby’s Breath settles down on his chair and quickly takes out some sort of paper. He holds it up and Wonwoo sees a drawing of some flower with a large white bract enclosing a yellow hairy-like spadix on a small long brown paper. It’s a bookmark, he realizes. The name of the flora is on the tip of his tongue.

“Calla Lilies! They mean ‘beauty’,” he announces.

He seems to be offering Wonwoo the bookmark for inspection and he takes it. “What’s this for?” His eyebrow is raised.

A smirk is on MBB’s face. “My name means ‘handsome’. So I got a flower bookmark to match my name. Googled the meaning and all that.” He shrugs and seems to be holding back his giddiness or the sort. Wonwoo stares at him.

“What is it? I didn’t know where I could get Calla Lilies so I just got this pre-made bookmark from the local bookstore. I guess it doesn’t look as pretty as actual flowers but-

“What’s your name?” Wonwoo blurts out. His cheeks are tinted red as he is suddenly embarrassed that he has taken this long to ask his tablemate’s name. He’s never offered his own either. This is awkward.

Baby’s breath seems to think differently. He visibly lights up. “Jun. I’m Jun. You can just call me that.”

Jun. _His name is Jun_. Was he Japanese? Was it just short for a two-syllable name? Jun? It fits him, Wonwoo thinks.

“Wonwoo,” he says, trying to even out his tone.

“You reading a new book again, Wonwoo-ssi?”Jun asks. His eyes are somehow sparkling. Wonwoo notices that Jun’s clothes are the same as always. It makes him look really easy-going and cheerful, which for the most part, seems to be the right impression. He thinks back to the flower he brought.

“Wonwoo is fine.” He takes out the Snapdragon bookmark. “It’s a book about a young girl who is forced to deal with her sudden ascendance to the throne.”

“This story sounds really different from the last one.”  

Wonwoo shrugs.“I like reading anything as long as it’s interesting.”

“Cool,” Jun says. He suddenly claps his hands together and rummages through his bag. “I know you probably have a lot already but I bought you a bookmark too.” He reveals a bookmark with the similar brown paper, but this time with a yellow flower painted on it.

“Yellow rose!” Jun exclaims.

 _A new friendship._ “Thanks. I’ll use it next time.” Wonwoo takes it and smiles softly at him.

“I brought you one too.” Wonwoo carefully goes through his bag pocket full of his bookmarks. He takes out a five-petaled yellow flower several stamen surrounding a green center. He drops it onto Jun’s hands.

“Wow, that’s pretty! What is it?”

“Buttercup.” _Radiant charm_. “It goes with your duffel bag,” he adds lamely as he remembers the bag with the wild bright mustard stripes on black.

“Oh! It sorta does, doesn’t it? Heh.” Jun smiles and for a flicker of a moment, Wonwoo thinks that warmth has crawled up to his chest.

 _He’s got a nice smile, it’s a good distraction_. They don’t talk for the rest of their time together, but Jun doesn’t stop smiling until he leaves and it has Wonwoo satisfied.

 

-

It goes on like that. They’ll see each other and talk in the library sometimes, always by chance, but it’s getting more and more frequent despite the summer lessons getting busier and busier. About a month passes by and Jun’s become a comfortable sort of presence. They chat about random things like the weather, or whatever Wonwoo’s reading, or about flowers. They talk about the campus, but never in specifics. More of how the food is served in one area, or about some university events neither seem to ever go to. They never ask each other any personal questions, and it makes it easier to talk to Jun like that. Jun’s like that one song song you listen to during an autumn road trip, it’s easy and relaxing to be with him.

On a Friday morning, they’re discussing the pseudo-politics in children’s cartoons when a familiar figure approaches them.

“Ah, you guys seem to be getting along.” Wonwoo sees Joshua every morning as he enters the library. His hair is a chesnut brown and it’s swept into a comma-bang hairstyle. His forehead is showing and it reminds Wonwoo briefly of how he got his happy crush in the first place.

“Hyung,” they both call out. Jun and Wonwoo look at each other with mild surprise, and with realization that they both know the older boy.

“Uh…we sort of just met here,” Wonwoo remarks.

Josh smiles warmly at them. “That’s pretty cool. Something like a fated friendship, no?”

“Wonwoo, are you okay, you’re making a serious expression.” Jun sounds genuinely concerned. Wonwoo does look like he’s constipated. His mouth is set into a hard thin line.

“Nah Jun-ya, he’s probably thinking if he can make a pun with what I said.” Josh giggles into his hand.

Jun raises his eyebrow at both of them. He turns to Wonwoo. “You like puns? You’ve literally never made one since we’ve met.”

Wonwoo speaks slowly, “Puns just come to you. They come out bad if you force them out. It’s like fate I guess.”

“Ah, that’s the Wonwoo I know.” Josh covers his mouth with the back of his hand. Neither could hear a peep, but Josh’s body was obviously shaking from laughter.

“Did you just. That’s not even a proper pun.” Jun groans.

“Shut up,” Wonwoo says without bite. He smirks.

The boy across him chuckles and holds his stomach. “And you say it with the straightest face on too.” The three of them laugh until Josh coughs and looks around. There’s still some people on the other side of the room looking at them questioningly. They quiet down.

Joshua takes his hands off his mouth and sweetly smiles at them. “Well, I’ll head back down to the desk. Say bye before you go.” He waves before heading to the stair case.

Once their sunbae disappears from sight, Jun leans forward. “How do you know Joshua-hyung?” His eyes are glittering and he almost reminds Wonwoo of a puppy - a memory of Mingyu kissing up to Joshua in the past comes to mind. Can’t say he wasn’t exactly jealous of the younger boy whenever Josh complied him.

“Friend of an orgmate. He helps out sometimes.” It strikes Wonwoo that this is their first time talking about anything personal. He doesn’t mind though, this is some stuff you can find on a facebook profile - not that he even knows Jun’s real name to find him on social media.

“You’re in an org?”

“Spoken word org.” He joined in his first year and he loves it there. He could have joined the home literature org or even the writing org but the members of the spoken work organization were from all around the campus and not just his home college. He’s met a lot of interesting people over the past two years - and a lot have become irreplaceable friends even.

“Wow, that’s so cool! Do you make your own poetry?” Wonwoo has observed that a lot of things seem to excite Jun. He’s not sure if Jun just has an interest in everything like an innocent child. He notices that even though Jun always takes an initial interest, he won’t chatter about it inconstantly like Soonyoung sometimes does. He’s quieter than Wonwoo initially perceives. He sometimes finds himself curious about the other boy.

“Yeah, sometimes.”

“That’s amazing, can I hear one?”

He looks to the people at the other side of the room. They’ve gone back to whatever they were doing now. They might have all been individually alone, but their stares made a huddling sort of presence. “We might disturb them again,” he points out.

“Can I read one then?”

Wonwoo doesn’t miss a beat. He shuffles through his bag but comes up with nothing. He waves his hand, gesturing that he doesn’t have any on hand. “Maybe next time.” He brings his bag back down. “How do you know hyung?”

“We were in the same dorm when I was in first year. Had a big crush on him and all,” says Jun nonchalantly.

Wonwoo takes a moment. “Oh.”

“Oh? Oh. You’re not a homophobe or anything are you.” Jun doesn’t frown but Wonwoo can hear it in his voice.

Wonwoo shakes his head. “No. I just never met someone that open about it.”

The mood shifts. Jun shrugs. “Well, it’s not the easiest thing being open here.”

Wonwoo hesitates. He’s never had anyone to ask before - ask how to deal. “How long have you been out?”

Jun leans on the back of his chair and uses both of his arms to hug his stomach. “College I think? I got tired of trying to hide a part of myself that I really thought wasn’t a big deal you know? Some guys like girls and they don’t hide that. It just seemed ridiculously unfair. Well, it is ridiculously unfair and it’s still hard in this sort of society we have so I just choose who to come out to, you know?”

“And it’s okay that I know?” It comes out like a squeak.

Jun shifts to a goofy smile. “Well, I don’t think I would have slipped if I hadn’t subconsciously been trusting you all this time so-” As he lengthens his last word, he leans towards Wonwoo, cocks his head to the left, and raises a thumbs-up enthusiastically. “-it’s fine.”

It occurs to Wonwoo like a passing thought - this could be the chance he’s been waiting for. It’s been hard. He knows that coming out to his friends would probably have good results in actuality. His friends are good people who don’t prejudice against sexuality - he wouldn’t be friends with them otherwise. Still, it’s just something he never even considered sharing before, in fear that everyone would find out about his feelings for Soonyoung now that people could even consider it a possibility. Funny how heteronormaitvity helped you hide your feelings huh? No. It wasn’t funny at all. Jun was right.

Maybe this is the chance to actually talk about it with someone. He doesn’t have to tell Jun a thing about Soonyoung specifically. He can just vaguely talk about his overflowing feelings since high school and how it causes him more sleepless nights than any final exam can. Wonwoo decides. He’ll trust Jun as well.

“I….like guys too,” he says so softly that it’s almost a whisper.

Jun’s smile fades into a more serious expression. “Oh, um, are you out?”

Wonwoo is silent for a moment. “No….no one knows. Just you.” His eyes dart around and he ultimately avoids direct eye contact.

Jun removes himself from the table and goes around it. He settles to the seat next to Wonwoo. He keeps his arms crossed on the table and faces Wonwoo. “So, um, has it been okay so far?” He sounds awkwardly careful. He wonders if all coming-outs are like this.

“Hm. I never talked about this with anyone. It’s kinda weird even saying it out loud.” He looks at Jun’s face this time. It’s an expression he couldn’t paint. He wonders if he looks the same.

“Do you want to talk more about it?” Jun brings it up in a more casual and comforting tone. He looks right at Wonwoo, but doesn’t meet his eyes. Wonwoo relaxes and his shoulders slump.

He thinks of Soonyoung. He thinks of that first day of high school. _His middle school friend says his cram school friend is in the yard and brings him along to meet him. The school garden is filled with purple lilacs and a single boy dancing in front of them. He does powerful arm movements and as Wonwoo gets closer, he realizes the boy is singing. Wonwoo is entranced. The boy ends his performance with his two hands pointing upwards, far apart from each other. He immediately seems to snap out of his dancing trance and grins widely at Wonwoo and his friend. Wonwoo recalls that day with the flowers and starts to wonder why his heart seems to beat out of his chest._  

It was mere infatuation at first until he learned all about him. He learned how his eyes twinkle like stars in the sky when they mention his favorite group. He learned how dancing can look so fluid but can be filled with rough hard movements. He’s never seen someone be so still one moment and uncontrollably trembling the next. He has dreams of Sunflower fields and Soonyoung in the middle, giving him a crown wreath made of Tulips and Stock. It’s at those moments, he wishes time would stop. _Adoration. Love. Beauty_. He wishes he could capture this perfect moment - this feeling - and yet, he always ends up just staring at his bedroom ceiling in the end.

He didn’t know if he was happy or terrified that Soonyoung was going to Seoul with him. It seems like he didn’t have to worry much since two years had passed but nothing had happened. It weighs heavy on him - that he can’t seem to move forward. He either has to leave Soonyoung behind or walk with him and Wonwoo feels like he’s still stuck in the dream.

Jun’s voice brings him out from his thoughts, “You don’t have to though.” Wonwoo blinks at Jun and the other boy gives him a small smile. Something clutches at Wonwoo’s heart. It’s reassuring to know that he doesn’t have to try and articulate all the words he doesn’t have right now. It’s usually when he writes his poetry that he is able to get it all out. Otherwise, the words get stuck in his throat. It’s reassuring that he can still choose to go at his own pace. He’s glad he decided to trust Jun after all.

Wonwoo shakes his head. “It’s okay.” Jun waits for him to start. He rambles, “I like my best friend. I know he won’t be disgusted or anything like that because I know him. I guess I’m more scared about what’ll happen to our friendship really. It’s probably okay for me to tell some of my friends too but it’s different when someone’s going through the same thing I guess. Sorry.”

“Hey, hey, don’t apologize. It’s okay. As in it’s okay to just let it out you know?” Jun places his hand on Wonwoo’s shoulder and pats him.

“Yeah.” Wonwoo nods.

“Is there anything else you want to share?”

Wonwoo remains silent. He’s not ready.

“Just talk whenever you’re ready, okay?” Jun squeezes his shoulder.

Wonwoo nods. “Thanks.”

Jun smiles warmly at him. “No problem.”

The table starts to vibrate, and he notices the flashing of Jun’s phone on the other side of the table. Jun quickly leaves his side and collects his phone. “Shit, my alarm’s gone off. I have to go now but we can talk next time. I’ll leave you my number just in case you want to talk.” He grabs the pen sprawled over his textbooks and tears a page from his notebook. He writes carefully despite hurrying, and hands the paper over to Wonwoo. Wonwoo watches as he hurriedly gathers his things and stuffs it all into his duffel bag.

As Jun fixes his chair, Wonwoo looks up at him and says, “Thanks Jun.”

Jun looks back at him and smiles softly at him. “No problem.” He then disappears down the stairs.

Just like that first day, he watches Jun come out of the entrance of the library. Unlike that day, Jun looks up at his window. He spots him and waves before turning back to the campus road. Wonwoo covers his face with his hands. He feels his face burning up.

 

He texts Jun later that night just to give him his number and he receives a flurry of emoticons in response.

Soonyoung remarks how he looks happy and Wonwoo promptly tells him to shut up. The boy laughs about it, his eyes crinkling, while his cheeks look full. Wonwoo likes Soonyoung like that. His roommate gets under the covers and faces away from him. Wonwoo looks at Soonyoung’s sleeping figure. So close yet so far like all the cliche romcoms he’s watched over the years yet, there are truths to those cliches and he feels it burning within him right now. He puts down his phone, turns his back away from Soonyoung as well, and lets himself drift off.

 

-

Wonwoo doesn’t go to the dance studio often. When Soonyoung dances, it’s like he’s a different person. He’s all focused and determined and graceful in contrast to his normally clumsy and carefree self. It’s still distinctly Soonyoung though. He wears that happy face but he somehow glows up to some 2.0 version that’s unbelievably hot and Wonwoo can only maintain his composure when there’s a stage and a crowd of people between them. Practices where sweat is rolling off Soonyoung everywhere and he’s at arm’s length? Impossible to stay calm. That’s a risk Wonwoo took when he was younger and less sure of his feelings, not now, when he’s filled to the brim.

Today, however, Soonyoung’s forgotten to bring the Tupperware boxes he was suppose to return to that Chinese orgmate of his. Wonwoo’s a tad jealous of this guy he’s never met since all Soonyoung seems to do is praise him or at least his cooking. He’s glad that Soonyoung is able to eat well because god knows they’d set their own kitchen on fire. He’ll just hand over the goods to Soonyoung and make his way out before he sees anything that’ll make him go out of his mind.

It’s one more week before summer lessons are over, and two before enrollment for the normal semester starts. Soonyoung’s been cooped up in the dance studio more than usual lately and it would be nice to see him outside of just saying goodnight to each other when they do finally meet.

He steps into the Dance department where all the majors are and starts looking for dance room 1010. He turns to the hallway where the sign points “1000-1010” and spots Soonyoung exiting a room. As he’s about to call out to his roommate, he sees a taller man come out right after him.

It’s Jun.

 _What the fuck?_  Wonwoo instinctively hides behind the corner’s wall because this of all things would be very, very awkward. Did Jun know that he and Soonyoung are friends? Why did Jun even approach him? Did he actually made some sort of strange friendship with a potential stalker? Even worse, did he reveal his deepest secret to said potential stalker? Wonwoo can’t breathe.

Wonwoo peeks back into the hallway and sees the two laughing with some others. It didn’t look out of place the slightest and he starts to think he should confront Jun about it but then he remembers Jun speaking a foreign language that drunken night, and wonders if Jun is the Chinese orgmate Soonyoung has been talking about all this time. He realizes that confronting Jun could reveal a lot:

  * Jun would find out about Soonyoung and his feelings would be out in the open.
  * Soonyoung would find out about Jun and his feelings would be out in the open.
  * His fucking feelings that he’s been hiding since high school would be out in the open.



His grim thoughts are interrupted by Soonyoung’s high pitched voice.

“Hey Jun, sorry about your Tupperware, I had my roommate bring them so they’ll be here soon.”

“It’s okay Soonyoung-ah, I can wait. Though really, you could have just brought it tomorrow, Minghao and I have a lot more at home.” Jun talks as he always does. Wonwoo suddenly hates himself for being familiar with it.

“It’s fine! Or rather it’s not and I’m real sorry to my roommate but I can make it up to him somehow. I keep bothering you with these lunches anyway. I feel bad for only paying for the ingredients.” He hears Soonyoung’s distinctive laugh.

A third voice chirps in. “Hey hyung, here’s my Tupperware from yesterday! You make such good Korean food!”

“My mom made me take a Korean cooking course before I came here. Said that it’d help me acclimatize faster.”

“Thank you mother Wen,” he hears Soonyoung say.

“Hah, you’re lucky I even do this out of the kindness of my soul.”

“But we pay for this hyung,” the third voice whines.

“There isn’t even service charge, man, you guys are privileged and you don’t even know.” The group laughs and Wonwoo’s stomach feels sick.

It’s hard for Wonwoo to believe that Jun would do this. Jun is the orgmate that Soonyoung kept talking about and he has sounded like a real good friend, not the type to pull bullshit like this. Wonwoo can’t deal with this now. He’ll have to settle to doing it in the library or asking it in the most roundabout way possible. It hurts. He has trusted Jun with his biggest and most personal secret, and the possibility of this betrayal hurts.

He can’t listen anymore and starts walking back to the entrance. He texts Soonyoung a quick message. He waits ten minutes before Soonyoung finally appears before him.

“Oh hey! There you are! Thanks so much for this Wonwoo. I’ll come back real quick and just give this back to Jun.” Soonyoung is all cheery like usual but Wonwoo doesn’t find it in him to return the enthusiasm.

 _At least his name really was Jun._ Wonwoo hands over the paper bag without a word.

Soonyoung takes it and checks its contents. “Oh yeah, Jun’s that orgmate of mine who I pay to make me lunches. I’ll pay him extra next time to make something for you next time as thanks!”

Wonwoo grunts in response.

Soonyoung’s mouth twists into a frown. “Hey, are you okay?”

Guilt strikes him. Worrying Soonyoung during this busy time makes him feel terrible. He can’t ask him about Jun. At least, not now. “Yeah, I’m - the book I just read was kinda emotional.”

“Aw Wonwoo-ya, you get sucked into your books a lot, no? Hope you read something happier next time then.” Soonyoung rubs his back and beams at him.

“Thanks again! Jun’s food is really yummy! You’re gonna love it!” His roommate waves enthusiastically as he goes back into the hall. Wonwoo finds himself waving back and giving a hint of a smile.

“Yeah, see you.”

Wonwoo gets out of the building as fasts as he can, without it looking like he’s being chased by a bear. He’ll deal with Jun the next time they meet. He’ll hope for the best and just prepare for the worst. He bites his lip and grips on his arm tightly. He feels really shitty right now and he’s earnestly wishing it’ll all be okay tomorrow.

 

-

Wonwoo is nervous. He arrives at the library just as it is about to open and reads to get his mind off of things. Instead of the epic fantasy finale he has initially wanted to read that day, he opts for the more light-hearted story. He doesn’t think that accumulating all the feelings about betrayal and lies is the best way to approach Jun today.

As he reaches the middle of the book, Jun comes up to him with his usual smile.

“Hey!” he chirps. “Wow, did you just start that today? You’re reading pretty fast.”

Jun knows around what time Wonwoo usually gets here and has already been accustomed to Wonwoo’s reading pace, and all those other small details. It leaves a bad taste in Wonwoo’s mouth now that he realizes that while normally endearing, it comes off creepy in a stalker view. He hates feeling this way about Jun.

“Hey, have we ever met before we ‘met’?”

Jun gives Wonwoo an amused look. “It’s kinda late to be using the whole “You look familiar” tagline, isn’t it?”

Wonwoo rolls his eyes and Jun grins even wider.  “I’m just kidding. You have your whole childhood best friend thing.”

“High school,” Wonwoo instinctively corrects.

“Anyway, why are you asking?” Jun is still smiling a him with a bit of teasing in his voice.

Wonwoo tries to look neutral. _Because I maybe think you’re a potential stalker and I’m hoping you’re not._ “Hm. I just realized that you seem to know a lot about me, but I don’t know much about you.”

Jun’s expression turns into a more surprised one. He blinks at Wonwoo. “You wanna know more about me?”

Wonwoo’s eyes dart around. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Well actually I only know three things about you, I mean, I don’t even know your last name.” He holds his fist up, palm facing Wonwoo. “You like flowers, books, and some guy from high school. Oh, and a fourth: you’re a really quiet drunk.” He’s got four fingers up in the air and he shakes them triumphantly.

Wonwoo swats his hand down. “First off, I wasn’t drunk, I was tipsy. There’s a difference. Second, you’ve only seen me drink once. You can’t make a generalization on that. And third, all I know is your name is Jun and that you liked hmm hmm in your first year.” _And that your last name is Wen and you make a good hangover remedy._

Jun looks at Wonwoo in disbelief and narrows his eyes. “That can’t be right. You mean to tell me we only talk about you most of the time?”

Wonwoo snorts. “You’re the one doing most of the talking and most of it is you asking me about the stuff I’m doing.”

“Heh, is that so?” Jun crosses his arms and leans back in his chair. He’s still looking at Wonwoo when his mouth quirks up. “If you really wanna know more about me, do you wanna play 20 Questions or something? It’ll be easier for me to get to know more about you too.”

Wonwoo looks incredulous and is lowkey panicking. “We’re not in a speed date, Jun.”

Jun’s hands uncross and grip at the edge of the table. “Oh, come on, this is totally normal for new friends.” He leans forward, resting on his hands. “I’ll go first. What’s your full name?”

“Is this the version where we both answer the question or the one where we have 20 questions each?”

A brief laugh escapes Jun. “The first one I guess.” His expression softens but his voice is still chirpy. “I’ll go first then. Nice to meet you stranger, I’m Wen Junhui.”

There was no hesitation. Soonyoung could have easily told him Jun’s full name without his knowledge through stories and whatnot, but Jun didn’t even seem to think that. It helps Wonwoo breathe a bit easier.

“Wen Junhui?”So ‘Jun’ _was_  short for something.

Jun nods. “I’m from China. I’ve been living here since freshman year so my Korean’s pretty good. Bet you didn’t notice, did you?” He’s grinning with that smug look all over his face.

“Nah, I remember you speaking a foreign language on the phone that night at the bar. Didn’t know it was Chinese though. I thought you were Japanese since you’re ‘Jun’.” Jun looks taken aback and Wonwoo just realized he basically told Jun that he remembers such an insignificant detail from when they first met. He flushes.

“Wow, you still remember that? All I remember is that you dropped something and I picked it up. Don’t even remember what I was up to that night. I guess you really weren’t drunk, huh?” Jun crosses his arms and leans back on his chair again. “But you needed help in walking, how does that work?” he snorts.

Wonwoo scoffs. “Yeah well I have a good memory. Anyway, I’m Jeon Wonwoo.”

“Jeon huh?” Jun repeats his name a number of times while looking contemplative, as if he were trying to figure out the best way to say it to mess with Wonwoo’s head. Whatever it is, it was making Wonwoo feel very embarrassed. Jun stops and finally looks back at Wonwoo. “Sounds nice.”

_Sounds nice?_

“Sounds nice?” Wonwoo pouts. That’s the about the strangest reaction he’s gotten about his name. If Jun were a stalker, would he say such a thing? His head feels muddled.

Jun uncrosses his arms and rests his head on one of his hands. “I don’t know. Like, I wasn’t expecting anything in particular, but then it turned out to sound right with my image of you.” He smirks right after. Is he…taunting Wonwoo?

“And what’s that?” Two can play this game.

“Is that part of 20 questions? You have to tell me your image of me too, kay?” Jun is back to his excited state.

Wonwoo clicks his tongue. “You’re insufferable.”

“Oh come on, I won’t get hurt, I promise.” Jun chuckles and it eases Wonwoo.

They kept playing. They skip the image thing, but Wonwoo finds out a lot of things about Jun. He’s got a younger brother back in Shenzhen, China. He used to be a child actor back in the day (which seems sketchy but why would he mention that if he wanted to fool Wonwoo, right?) As Wonwoo suspected, they’re the same age and Jun was a Dance major. He got scouted for the dancing program while in China even though it started out more as a hobby for him when he had to perform in variety shows. He specializes in interpretative dancing and ballet. He’s a morning person and his roommate is also Chinese and is also from the Dance Department.

Jun doesn’t seem to be hiding anything. Not about his major, not about where he’s from, nothing. It’s only been 2 months since he’s met Jun, and they only meet every so often, but he does have an inkling of what the boy seems to be. And as he thought, Jun seems to wear his heart at his sleeve. The heavy feeling of dread Wonwoo was feeling at the start of all this is now replaced with a different brand of heaviness - one of guilt. He feels like shit. He isn’t sure of anything. What is he suppose to believe in?

Wonwoo’s eyes flicker to a bracelet Jun’s wearing. It’s new but he recognizes it - it’s a creation of Soonyoung. Soonyoung loves to make friendship bracelets and Wonwoo’s own is hidden back home in a box filled with other Soonyoung gifts he didn’t want to lose. He does remember that Soonyoung asked him to pass by the crafts store last week but he never managed to. Soonyoung probably made this during all those times Wonwoo would be asleep by the time he came home. Soonyoung is a good judge of character and he doesn’t make these bracelets just for anyone. He’s probably known Jun for quite some time.

It might be a mistake, but Wonwoo is choosing to trust Jun. He’s choosing to trust Soonyoung.

Jun notices his staring and lifts up his hand. “My friend made this for me. Pretty rad, isn’t it?”

Wonwoo can reveal right in this moment that he at least knows Soonyoung because they are roommates; but it can lead to Jun asking Soonyoung about their relationship and well, that doesn’t sound favorable.

Still, Wonwoo doesn’t exactly want to tell Jun about Soonyoung. He finally has someone to talk to about this, but someone knowing he likes anyone was one thing and someone knowing that it's Soonyoung is another thing entirely.

It’s not like he is hiding it out of spite or some alternate motives. It’s something Jun would probably understand when he does finally know. One day, Wonwoo will be ready to trust Jun about Soonyoung - that it’s Soonyoung. He’ll trust Jun because he’s Jun and not because of Soonyoung. It’s too hard now, he’s just beginning to even open up his feelings about liking boys to someone else.

“Yeah, that’s pretty cool.”

They end their game as Jun heads to his dance practice. Wonwoo waves as usual. He feels a great burden has been taken off but an equally heavy one has replaced it. Minutes pass, but Wonwoo doesn’t look down the window.

 

-

Summer eventually ends and the new term starts. As usual, Wonwoo and Jun leave any sort of meeting up up to chance. They finally meet on the Friday of the first week and it feels like it’s been forever. It’s not just the two of them anymore at that one table near the window. Several people fill up the second floor and Jun is almost a comforting sight. He’s in Wonwoo’s usual seat and his bag is placed on his own chair. When he looks up and sees Wonwoo, he immediately perks up and it’s like the summer sun stayed even though fall has already started.

Wonwoo should have expected such a reaction from Jun but it still catches him off guard. They hadn’t physically see each other but they have been texting throughout the week. Ever since that first day of 20 questions, they’ve been asking each other questions whenever they meet. What’s their favorite movie? Wonwoo likes Bridge to Terabithia while Jun likes an old Chinese classic. Favorite song? Wonwoo states a ballad from the 80s while Jun mentions a pop American tune. Favorite color? Blue for Wonwoo, red and white for Jun.

They talk about even the small things. like would you rather do this or that. Jun would rather be part of royalty than meet a dragon (Wonwoo doesn’t believe him). Wonwoo would rather fart on national television than go to school naked (Jun snickers at him). Even on days when they don’t see each other, Jun will always text Wonwoo a question and Wonwoo, more often than not, complies.

They also learn more serious stuff about each other, even though Jun never asks anything in detail. He casually asks about how Wonwoo is doing with his unrequited love and tells stories of his own like how he got through his first love back in middle school, and how his first relationship started. Jun says his ex ended it after six months and he swore never again would he date a guy without becoming his friend first. A genuine connection should be there to stay in love with each other, he says. Wonwoo is a tee bit curious but he doesn’t pry.

It’s somehow different, seeing someone in the flesh even though you practically talk everyday. Wonwoo hands over Jun’s bag and sits down. Jun immediately speaks, “So, I guess you either have Friday mornings free or you have a free cut right now.”

“My W-Fs have mornings free. You don’t have practice or class right now?” Wonwoo drops his bag and pushes it under the table with his foot.

Jun twirls a pen in his hands. “Yeah. Most days have classes in the morning and practice in the afternoon. Friday’s the only day I don’t have class.”

“When on earth do you study?” He’s pretty sure Jun will still practice in the afternoon.

Jun’s leaning with his elbows propped up on the table and chortles. “Why do you think I was studying my ass off everyday at the library all summer?”

“You weren’t here everyday.”

Jun hits him playfully. “I practically was.”

Wonwoo fake tries to block off his attacks. “You really studied everything?”

“For the most part. Got a few friends here and there to give me syllabuses and made notes on everything already.” Wonwoo remembers how he took notes from the textbooks and how a lot of their time together had been a comfortable silence where each did their own thing.

“You’re pretty diligent.”

“Joshua-hyung told me the same thing.”

Wonwoo bites his lower lip to stop himself from laughing. “Did you come here to study or to ogle at hyung?”

Jun starts chuckling. “If I were here for the latter, I’d have been studying downstairs.”

Wonwoo notices that Jun doesn’t have his materials laid out on the table like usual.

“Hey, are you gonna read today?” Jun asks.

“No, I came here to see you.” Wonwoo doesn’t realize what he’s said until he sees Jun widen his eyes. It’s over in an instant and the boy reverts to giggling. Wonwoo comes to the library out of habit, but he won’t lie and say he wasn’t happy when he sees Jun there. Now, his cheeks are surely a bright red.

“Let’s do something different today and get some shakes, I know just the place.” Jun stands up and gestures Wonwoo to follow him. Wonwoo does.

They keep up routine and meet on Fridays without any verbal agreement. They text often about mundane things and send memes to each other. Without noticing, September passes by in a blink of an eye.

-

The next month, Jun invites him to a comedy movie screening. He says he needs Wonwoo to help explain all the puns. Soonyoung’s doing a group project that day and probably wouldn’t be circling around town. Wonwoo agrees.

They meet at the library. Wonwoo doesn’t expect Jun to come in jeans and a polo shirt, he doesn’t even have either his cap or his jacket that’s usually wrapped around his waist. Jun explains that his normal outfits are for dance-ease purposes. He needs to let the rest of the world see him in different clothes once in a while. It’s a sin otherwise. Wonwoo pushes him with his shoulder. Jun pretends to look hurt.

When they get to the movie house, it’s packed, and the only cinema that isn’t full is of a local horror movie.

Jun refuses to even consider it.

“Aren’t you scared?” Jun grips Wonwoo’s hoodie tightly. He’s cringing at the poster alone. It’s a zombie movie. They’re disgusting and gory, but not really scary. Wonwoo doesn’t get it.

“Nah, they’re fun and I like ‘em. I’d choose a horror over comedy normally.” He looks to his side and sees Jun putting on the most distorted face. He ruffles Jun’s hair and the other boy instinctively grab his hands to stop him.

Jun removes Wonwoo’s hand and keeps it mid-air. He brushes and flattens his hair while Wonwoo chuckles at the sight of him.

“C’mon, let’s go to the park or something.” Wonwoo pulls lightly at Jun’s arm.

Jun claps and turns to Wonwoo. He’s got that enthusiastic sparkle in his eye.“Let’s visit Han river!”

“Have you been there before?”

“Yeah! Even met Henry Lau one time!”

“That’s cool. Did you get a picture with him?”

Jun brings his fingers to his cheeks and looks away. “Nah, I was too embarrassed. We just literally bumped into each other while he was jogging end helped me up when I fell. I muttered a thank you in Chinese and he smiled at me.”

Wonwoo bursts out in laughter.

“You always talk about how you’re handsome af but you get shy with celebrities?” Wonwoo laughs into the crook of his arm. People have started staring at them.

“It was totally embarrassing,” Jun whines.

Wonwoo tries to calm himself. “And you want to repeat this.”

Jun takes the sleeve of Wonwoo’s jacket and gestures to follow his lead. “No, I want to play at Han River.”

They go to the Han River and mess around the courts and the exercise machines. They walk around the grass and end up sitting near the river’s edge.

They talk about school politics, music, and Wonwoo even recites one of his poems. Jun says it’s a very Wonwoo-like poem. He doesn’t get it at all but he supposes it’s a compliment. He tells Jun that an orgmate came out to them as demisexual. His boyfriend is the music major they’d see all the time. They’ve been together since childhood and it just seemed natural. The whole organization was very happy for both of them. It makes Wonwoo feel more confident about telling them. Not now, but someday. Jun’s happy for him.

Nearing evening, they watch the sunset. It’s beautiful with its hues of yellow and orange seeping into everything the light touches. It reminds him of the time Soonyoung got orange hair. The rays make the pink Bouvardia look serene. _The zest of life_. Wonwoo thinks it’s fitting. He looks over to Jun, awed by the scene of nature.

As October ends, with the orange pumpkins and dark costumes, Wonwoo returns to that sunset and Jun’s content smile while looking at it.

-

In November, Jun invites him to the December showcase. He has always been planning to go anyway since it’s the event Soonyoung has earnestly been waiting for. He doesn’t see his friend regularly anymore. He sleeps before Soonyoung wakes, and Soonyoung’s asleep when he gets up for class. The weekends are 50/50. Sometimes Soonyoung’s at the studio, and sometimes he’s lazing around at home. That’s the only time they do get together.

He wonders how come he gets to meet Jun as often as he does. Not that once a week is often, but he feels like he’s been interacting more with him than with Soonyoung. Wonwoo only realizes it now.

“Want my complimentary tickets? My family can’t make it.” There’s a tinge of sadness in Jun’s voice even though his tone is cheery. Wonwoo knows how much Jun adores his brother. He must miss him a lot.

He knows Soonyoung’s parents are going to try to go. He will probably end up buying a ticket. He can always tell Soonyoung that he got a ticket by himself, and that won’t totally be a lie. Shit. Why is he doing all this lying? Jun’s gonna find out sooner or later, maybe he should tell him right now.

“I mean, if you’re not busy or anything that day.” Jun holds on tightly to the tickets and still smiles at him. It’s not the puppy eyes his dongsaeng gives him or the pout Jun usually pulls when he’s asking for a favor, but it’s the genuine sound of disappointment Wonwoo can hear, even though his friend tries his best to hide it, that gets to him.

“I’ll go,” Wonwoo finds himself saying.

Jun lights up in his normal Junhui way, which is to say he looks like he is positively glowing. Wonwoo doesn’t think he’ll regret this.

-

When Wonwoo gets home, he thinks up all the ways he’ll bring it up with Jun. He’s sure it’ll be a big surprise for Jun but Wonwoo isn’t sure how he wants Jun to react. He feels his stomach rumbling at the thought of the worst-case scenario - he doesn’t even want to imagine what bad reaction there can be.

Soonyoung comes home. He opens the door so quietly that Wonwoo wouldn’t have noticed if he weren’t directly looking in that direction.

He looks terrible. Wonwoo feels the tiredness just looking at him. He approaches Soonyoung and lays a hand on his shoulders.

“Hey. You alright?”

The love of his life smiles weakly at him and Wonwoo feels like his breath was taken away, not in a good way.

“Just tired. Like practice is okay but I’m just really worried about the showcase. Like - what if I blank out in the middle? What if I get distracted? What if my nerves get the best of me?” Soonyoung grabs onto Wonwoo’s forearm. He is shaking.

“Everyone tells me that I’ll do great but it’s…hard. The pressures make my mind go blank sometimes.” His voice is raspy. It’s painful to listen to.

Wonwoo speaks slowly,“You can…lean on me. If it’s hard, I’m here for you.”

Soonyoung looks up at him and goes to hug his friend and Wonwoo lets him just clutch at him tightly.

“Thanks Wonwoo, I know I can always rely on you,” Soonyoung chokes up his last words, Wonwoo rubs his back.

Soonyoung lets go and nods at him. He heads to the kitchen for a glass of water and Wonwoo interlaces his fingers. He can still feel his friend’s slight trembles. Is this all he can do for Soonyoung?

Soonyoung gestures him to sit at their futons. “Tomorrow, I’ll be staying at the place of the music major that’s helping me with my composition. Honestly, I think I’ll just go and karaoke out all the feelings you know? It’ll be fun. I don’t wanna go distract my coursemates. Talking about how sad we’ll all be at the showcase isn’t the best thing right now.” Soonyoung sounds disheartened but shakes his head. Wonwoo knows he is trying to shake the feeling away as well.

“So, this is your way of telling me not to wait up.”

Soonyoung manages to grin at him. “If you’re getting drunk, just so you know, my friend Jun won’t be there to supply me with his hangover magic cure.”

Soonyoung’s brilliant. He can always just go get drunk with Jun. He can maybe relieve his worries about Soonyoung indirectly and for once, spilling won’t matter because Jun already technically knows. He can reveal to Jun about Soonyoung too, though he’ll contemplate on that later if that’s the best time.

“Yeah.”

They have their futons overlap and sleep together. Soonyoung likes to cuddle up by sleeping in close proximity when he’s feeling down and Wonwoo would always indulge him. It’s warm, like it was when they first did this in high school. Somehow, Wonwoo’s heart is steadier than usual. Maybe it’s the satisfaction that Soonyoung thinks that he’s his pillar of strength when times get hard, despite how helpless he feels at the moment.

That night, Wonwoo dreams of a field of yellow buttercups. He doesn’t remember when he wakes up, but he his heart feels at peace.

 

-

The next day happens to be Friday, and as usual, Wonwoo hobbles off to the library to meet Jun. He arrives to see Jun with bleached hair. Jun already sent a selfie the day before so it hardly surprises him.

“Junhui, go drink with me,” he announces. He’s thought it over this morning and he decided that he’ll tell Jun about Soonyoung tonight. He stands in front of Jun instead of sitting across him.

Jun gives him a questioning look. “Drink?”

“Yeah, my roommate’s not coming home tonight, you can sleep over if you get wrecked.”

An amused smile tugs at Jun’s lips, surely remembering the first night they met. Wonwoo already revealed his Soonyoung drinking habits to Jun a month ago or so. Not that Jun knows his roommate is the guy they’ve been talking about all this time.

“Sure your roommate won’t mind?”

“He knows my drinking habits. Sort of, I guess.”

Jun pretends to think about it really hard even though Wonwoo can tell right away that he’s already decided his answer from the start. “Fine. I’ll indulge you. But I guess I’ll need to be the sober one, huh.”

“You’re so judge-y Wen Junhui.”

“Thanks Jeon Wonwoo. You’ll be eating your words when I document to you tomorrow all the stupid shit you’ll end up doing on the way back to your apartment,” Jun teases.

“Nah, we can just buy drinks and drink at home. I’ve learned from the last time that it’s hard with a one-on-one.” He apologizes to Mingyu under his breath. He remembers the light scolding his hubae laid on him when they had met again and how Wonwoo owed him a meal because of that.

“You don’t wanna invite the guy from last time? Oh my god, are we drinking because of him? Is he Mr. high school friend?” Wonwoo covered his mouth quickly to stop his laughter. He’d be having a big fit if they weren’t in the library.

“No, you loser, that was my hubae from my org. I don’t drink with you-know-who or at least I don’t get drunk.” Wonwoo starts to cough from his laughter.

Jun pats his back. “You didn’t slip in front of your hubae last time, right?”

“I was just tipsy like I told you way before.”

“So, it’s really just you and me.”

“Got a problem?”

Jun grins at him. “Nah, I’m honoured man. I’ll get to see the best blackmail material for future ages.”

Wonwoo finally sits on his chair. “Ha-ha, very funny.”

As Wonwoo settles in and lays his materials on the table, Jun speaks up,“Oh, I’ve got my question for today.”

“Alright, go.” He browses through his notebook to find the last page he used.

“What made you like flowers so much?”

Wonwoo flattens out his notebook on the table. “A storybook when I was younger. It had this flower kingdom thing and I liked it.” Wonwoo doesn’t remember the story well. What he does remember is the admiration he felt for the book’s hero and how the flowers had made such a big impact on him that his first graduation became as memorable as it is today.

“Flower kingdom storybook…hey it isn’t a children’s book called “The Legend of Hana: The Last Flower Witch, is it?” Jun rests his head on his palms, with his elbows propped up on the table.

“You’ve heard of it?”

“Yeah! That’s one of the first books I practiced with to learn Korean!”

Jun starts to nod to himself. “Man, it was a pretty cute story with how Hana lives peacefully in the end back in the forest.”

The story comes back to Wonwoo in sudden clarity. “Yeah, and how people realized that if they didn’t give the effort and time, the flowers would just leave them behind.”

Jun happily nods along.“Pretty deep for a storybook, I really enjoyed it.”

Wonwoo almost doesn’t believe that Jun of all people know it. For the longest time, it seemed that he was the only one who knew about the book. “Yeah, me too.”

Two hours later, Jun gets up and starts packing.

“I have practice later but I’ll drop by after I grab some stuff from my dorm. Just text me your address.” He waves goodbye to Wonwoo who texts him right after.

Wonwoo checks for Jun in the window. His friend exits the library while checking his phone. He looks up to the window and gives Wonwoo a salute. Wonwoo salutes back and smiles.

-

Jun knocks on his door at 8 p.m. carrying his duffel bag and a bag of groceries. Wonwoo stuffs the latter into the refrigerator.

“My family’s hangover cure is super effective.” He shrugs.

Wonwoo nods in acknowledgment. He’s drank it before after all.

He gestures Jun to join him on the ground.

“Beer or soju?” There’s beer, shot glasses, and soju between the two of them. Jun laughs.

“So, why are we drinking again?” He grabs a beer bottle and starts sipping.

“He seems pretty troubled right now and there’s nothing I can do.” Wonwoo grabs a bottle as well and starts drinking. Jun is silent. Jun is silent when he has nothing to say or knows better when to say anything.

“How’s your showcase looking?” He remembers that Jun is with a partner while Soonyoung is a solo act. Regardless, it must have be hard on him as well.

Jun stops drinking. He suddenly takes a huge gulp and takes Wonwoo by surprise. “I don’t know. My partner and I finished the choreo last month but it really needs a lot of precision and it’ll look horrible if we’re not in sync.” He places the beer bottle to his side and grabs another one.

“You still have two weeks, right?”

“Yeah, but the video teaser is like in one week and to be honest, it’s all driving me crazy.” Jun does talk about troubling things sometimes but he usually brushes it off. He opts for the present and the future. He says to leave the things from the past there.

“Huh, you never look like you’re worrying about anything.” Wonwoo starts his second bottle as well.

A giggle escapes Jun. “More like we always seem to meet when I’m not actively worrying. I do that mostly at the studio” He’s only two bottles in but he already sounds a bit tipsy. Or maybe Jun was just into the mood of drinking. The memory of Jun from when they first met flashes in his mind. What was Jun even doing there? Did Jun also just want to let his worries free sometimes? If Jun is here for him, he’ll be there for Jun.

“You can worry now too.”

Jun’s eyes almost look glassy. “Hmm, thanks.”

He picks up the soju glass and gestures for Jun to do the same. He complies and they fill them up. They drink at the same time and Wonwoo is feeling giddy.

“My idol’s gonna be there.” Jun fills his glass again and consumes it in one gulp.

“When I got scouted junior year of high school, I came here for the exhibition to check the program out. There was this guy who did this amazing choreo, all while blindfolded. I felt out of breath by the time he was finished. The crowd stood up and began clapping and screaming while I was glued to my seat, awestruck.” Jun hums. Wonwoo doesn’t recognize the song.

“It was a solo act too. Solo acts get a bit more attention than group or pair acts but well the latter show how well you’re able to coordinate with others. I mean, it’s not like you usually dance alone.” He drinks another shot.

“Was he like your gay awakening?” Wonwoo drinks up too.

“Nah, I already told you about my first love, right? Total fail by the way.” Giggles erupt from Jun. Wonwoo thinks of Soonyoung. Lilacs. Purple and white.

“Lilacs. Lilacs mean first love.” Wonwoo pours himself again.

Jun lays down his glass and goes to sit beside Wonwoo. He picks up another beer bottle. “Hey Wonwoo, how sure are you that high school best friend doesn’t have feelings for you?”

Wonwoo drinks another glassful. “I just know okay.”

Jun doesn’t look at him but stares at the door. “As my roommate would say, that’s bullshit. I mean, I can’t see how he couldn’t like you and how he doesn’t know about it at all.”

Wonwoo was midway in taking a shot but stops. “Yeah?”

“I mean, when you talk about him, you look so soft even though you’re all angles and hard lines.” Jun does gestures with his hands but he’s soon shaking his fists in frustration. His words have also started to slur.

Wonwoo pushes Jun. “You’re not making any sense Junhui.”

“Shut up. That totally makes sense.”Jun pushes him back and starts chortling. He ends up lying on the ground, his hands spread out beside him, along with his beer bottle.

Wonwoo takes the bottle from his hand and places it further away.“Why do you think he would like me?”

Jun doesn’t miss a beat. “You’re handsome.”

“Wow, you are way more drunk than I am.”

Jun laughs and lies on his side. “It’s true. I mean, not as good-looking as me, but you’re passable.” Wonwoo starts to ruffle his hair. He laughs even more.

“You’re cute, Wonwoo. When you talk about him, it makes me wish someone cared about me that much.” Now this is not what Wonwoo expects.

Jun takes his hand off his head and places it on his other hand on the ground. He holds his hands as if he were praying. “You’re quiet but that’s because you’re thinking of all the right things to say, but if it’s something snarky, you act on it right away. You’re crazy multi-talented but you only boast it around when we’re messing around. You-you’re kind, you really are.”

“Thanks Jun,” Wonwoo manages to get out.

Jun gets back up and brings himself right in front of Wonwoo. He’s holding Wonwoo’s hand with both hands in his lap. “How could he not like you? I don’t get it.”

Wonwoo smiles at him. “Well you’re not in love with me, why don’t you get it?”

Wonwoo realizes how close in proximity they are. They’re inches apart and he can smell Jun’s scent. He smells like alcohol. Both of them do. It’s no longer the Baby’s Breath from that first night. Jun looks up at him and blinks a few times before finally opening his mouth to speak.

“Wonwoo, I need to pee.” Wonwoo looks at him fondly.

“Alright, let’s get you up.” He pushes Jun back so that he can get a hold of the other’s shoulders properly. He lets Jun prop up on his side.

A minute or so passes and Jun returns from the bathroom. He slumps himself onto Wonwoo’s chest, trying to steady himself. He lets himself remain buried and his words come out muffled. “Wonwoo, your handsome friend is tired.”

Wonwoo rubs his back with one hand holding on to Jun’s side for support. “Yeah yeah,” he says, amused. He helps Jun lie on the bedding and sleepy Jun looks kind of adorable. He’s curled up like a baby and his eyes are fluttering and he looks so so soft. He’s still holding onto Wonwoo’s shoulder until Wonwoo takes his hand and settles it on the floor. He looks like he’s still fighting to stay awake.

Jun catches his eye and smiles at him. “Good night, Wonwoo.” His voice is soft and his words are slightly slurred. Yet, the words sound so sweet, so oddly fond. He’s struck. He doesn’t take his hand off Junhui’s warmth just yet. Wonwoo realizes he didn’t manage to tell Jun about Soonyoung at all. He almost tries to wake Jun, but he opts against it. A drunk Jun might not remember this in the morning.

“Good night,” he whispers. He gets the blanket and lays it on top of Jun. He then gets into his own futon and sleeps on his side, facing Jun. He’s truly drifted off and Wonwoo smiles. Soon, he’s asleep as well.

-

When Wonwoo wakes up. Jun greets him with the Wen family’s magical concoction in hand. As he rubs his bleary eyes, he sees that Jun has already dressed up and seemed ready to go.

“I have to go meet with people from the music department today, but I already cooked you something.” Jun gestures to the refrigerator. Wonwoo is trying to process through his sleepiness and his inebriated state but he fails and instead, just nods at Jun.

At some point in time, Jun must have left and he closed the door after him because when Wonwoo opens his eyes at lunch, he’s alone in his apartment.

He groans and runs his hands through his hair. Jun was a lightweight but seems like his hangover was nowhere near as bad. What time did he leave anyway? Wonwoo gets up and wobbles to the kitchen counter where Jun had set aside the hangover cure for him. He drinks in one gulps, takes a deep breath, and feels better already.

He taps both sides of his face, scolding himself. The Soonyoung matter is far from settled and Wonwoo just keeps shaking his head. _The next time we meet for sure_ , he promises himself.

He looks around and sees that Jun had cleaned up after them. The only mess left untouched is his own bed. He proceeds to clean himself up and the mess he made. He texts Jun a quick thank you. When he’s done, he sees the several emoticons he has gotten in response. _Cute_ , he thinks.

Soonyoung returns in the evening. He looks a lot better than he did the day before. Wonwoo’s lying on his bed when Soonyoung huddles up beside him, resting his head near Wonwoo’s shoulder.

“Feeling better?” He turns the page of his novel.

“Yeah.” Soonyoung already sounds way better than he did two nights earlier.

He makes space so that he can reach up and ruffle Soonyoung’s hair. “You’ll be fine Kwon fire.”

Soonyoung laughs and it makes Wonwoo smile. “Thanks, Lucky Charm.”

Wonwoo’s phone lights up. He places his book down and sits up. He shifts himself so that Soonyoung can’t read his messages.

 ** **Jun:**** Do you want to see a flower field? (◕▿◕✿)

 ** **Me:**** In Winter?

 ** **Jun**** i: It’ll be a nice blanket of snow! I think it’ll be real fun. ≧❀‿❀≦

 ** **Me**** : When do you want to go?

 ** **Jun**** : I was thinking the 3nd week of December but maybe you have plans to go home? (◕︿◕✿)

 ** **Me:****  I’ll check. Is this place anything special?

 ** **Jun:****  It’ll leave you breathless. (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

Wonwoo shifts his eyes onto Soonyoung who is now lying on his belly, playing with his phone, feet in the air. “Hey Soonyoung, when do you plan to go home? Are you going with aunt and uncle?”

Soonyoung turns to him and stretches his arms straight. He lays his head on his arms and uses his old man voice on him. “Are you planning not to go home without me? Jeon Wonwoo, I. Am. Apalled.”

Wonwoo doesn’t even look at him, opting to check his calendar instead. “Well, I might have something going on.” His last final is even before the showcase, he can theoretically make the trip.

“Oh wait, you’re really gonna stay here?” Soonyoung rolls and sits up. His tone has changed as well to his normal one.

Wonwoo looks up. “Well, when are you going?”

Soonyoung scratches his head. He replies a minute later,“Two days after the showcase, so that’s the sixteenth. My parents plan to leave right after the showcase. It costs less that way so I’m not going with them.”

“Wow, that’s really soon.”

He shrugs. “Well, we didn’t go home this summer so I thought I should be early for winter break.”

The other boy then tackles him at his side, clinging at his arm. “Aw Wonwoo, don’t you finally wanna spend time with your best friend after forever?”

Wonwoo rolls his eyes in fake annoyance. “You’re the one who’s busy as heck.”

Soonyoung lets go. “To be fair, I don’t see you at home as often as I used to. Like when I wake up, you’re hardly there,” he teases.

Wonwoo thinks about it. He’s been spending so much more time at the library this past semester, hasn’t he? It almost felt routine to not see Soonyoung nowadays.

“Don’t tell me - DID YOU GET A GIRLFRIEND?!” Soonyoung splutters out. He looks expectant and it hurts a bit.

“No, I have class, idiot.”

Soonyoung snorts. “Sure. We’ll go with that.”

“Ah, this guy.” He tackles Soonyoung and they roughhouse it out. It ends with both of them lying on the floor, out of breath from laughter.

When Wonwoo finally stops wheezing, he turns to Soonyoung. “I’ll go home with you.”

“Really? Don’t you have something to do?"

“I think I can get it moved.” Jun will understand. Jun…will probably understand. But first, he needs to tell Jun.

Wonwoo’s thumb hovers on his screen and texts “I can’t make it. I’m going home soon after your showcase.”

 ** **Jun:****  Aw. That’s too bad. Have fun there! (◕ω◕✿)

Wonwoo hates himself in this moment. He’s not lying. He knows it’s not. He just hopes he can tell Jun as soon as possible. Maybe it’ll stop all these weird feelings between them.

 

-

Wonwoo is at the university theatre and he sits comfortably beside Mingyu, who has been invited by his friend. He doesn’t know which performer it is though. Beside him is a small boy, maybe in early high school; maybe someone interested in the program.

He hasn’t met Jun since their drunk night. He still texts everyday but he seems to have his hands full with the showcase. He says he’ll just look forward to meet afterwards. Wonwoo fears the worst.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts as the emcee announces that the program will soon start.

The first performance was a freshman. Some extra talented kid who smashed his way through the top. He recognizes him as the kid with Jun and Soonyoung that day he went to the dance studio. He must have been really special since he was at the department, even before he officially started university. He starts dancing to a Michael Jackson tune and damn, that kid was good. At the end of it, the whole crowd is cheering. If this is the opening act, he can only imagine how the actual juniors’ performances are.

Jun is set to perform before Soonyoung. He’s in a pair with his roommate, who, despite being a sophomore, was permitted to join him. Jun tells him his roommate is amazing and the panel just couldn’t say no. It’s almost his turn.

A white light blinds the audience and a video reel starts playing. Mingyu nudges him, says his friend is the one up next. Does Mingyu know Jun too?

He looks back to the video and the first thing he notices is that Jun's bleached hair is now a bright purple. Both Jun's partner and him are lying on the floor in the video. Jun in stark white and his partner in all black. Some beats play until it is seen that the boys are standing away from each other, looking in opposite directions while their background is bright with silver glitter and white powder-like smoke. A white ribbon is tied to one of the wrists of each of the boys. It gives him feelings of magical realism. Jun’s intense eye contact, with his hair falling in his face, almost makes Wonwoo think he looked ethereal. Almost. The video ends with the words "My I" in the middle, with their names "Moon Junhui and Seo Myungho" below it.

"Moon, huh?" He never knew that Jun was given a Korean name.

The stage goes dark and a single spotlight is turned on at the center. Jun, with his lilac hair is facing the left, back to back with his partner Myungho, facing to the right. Their clothes this time are in reverse.

The music starts to play and the two boys start to walk away from each other. The ribbon from the video is also tied to them now. As the ribbon straightens, the further they walk away, the two boys start to shake it, timely with the music making a rattling sound. As soon as the lyrics start, the boys pull towards the ribbon and start dancing their way to each other. The dance is fluid and they seemed to dance with ease. Not having a clue in what they’d do next was heart-throbbingly exciting.

Wonwoo notices that the two boys actually have headsets on and realizes that Jun was singing all this time. He did hear from Soonyoung that you get extra points if you do the composition yourself too. He knows Soonyoung got help from the music department for his solo act called Hurricane.

As Jun pulls the ribbon towards him, Myungho jumps to the beat. They keep moving around each other in a synchronized motion and Wonwoo is mesmerized. He is then shaken when the two boys are face to face with each other and Jun's partner runs down his palm down Jun starting from his face. He doesn't notice that he suck a breath in. The drop happens and the boys are now apart from each other, both facing the stage, flawlessly matching each other. They soon start spinning towards each other and away again before the two boys start dancing even more intensely with pop locks as the song hits the height of the chorus.

It gives Wonwoo chills.

He didn’t know what to expect from Jun’s dancing but it is like being swept by the ocean’s waves. He can’t get away and his amazement swallows him whole. This is Junhui at his best. Jun has been so worried about this performance, but here he is, executing it perfectly. A sense of pride swells in Wonwoo.

The second verse starts with Jun’s whispers and Wonwoo feels his hair stand. He’s thankful no one will be able to see the red creeping up his face in the dark. The pair continues in their dynamic dance. It is exhilarating how they showed the lovers from the song being torn apart time and again, but are always connected by the string regardless. In the middle of the second chorus, Wonwoo doesn't understand why his heartbeat increases as Jun and Myungho hold hands, palm to palm. The two boys aren't even looking at each other, but at the audience.

It’s near the end. Jun and his partner are just standing but they're looking at other intently and the atmosphere is tense. They turn away from each other and walk toward each other again, this time, both removing the ribbon from their wrist and holding it up with their hand. They release the ribbon and let it fall to the ground. Jun starts a solo dance with lots of hand movements. His arms creating large circles while he jumps and spins on the ground. It literally takes Wonwoo’s breath away. Myungho starts his solo with some moves that are reminiscent of b-boying and he ends it with a cool tumble where his feet are in the air one second and he's upright the next. The performance ends with the boys grabbing the ends of the ribbon at the center of the stage.

The lights dim and the audience is stunned. They start cheering and a lot of people stand up while giving an applause. One of the first is the boy beside Wonwoo. Mingyu stands up as well. Wonwoo is speechless. He stands up too. He sees the two bowing with big smiles and for a moment, catches Jun's eye contact. Jun waves at him and Wonwoo smiles and starts clapping louder.

They disappear from the stage and Mingyu elbows him.

“Minghao was really good, wasn’t he?” Mingyu looks like he’s the one who just received a standing ovation. He looks crazy proud.

“Who? Is that supposed to be that Myungho guy?”

“Yeah.” They must be good friends. Mingyu looks fondly to the stage.

“His partner was really good,” Wonwoo says.

“Yeah, they were both amazing!” Wonwoo smiles. _You did it Jun._

“Soonyoung-hyung is next, isn’t he?” They’ve sat back down and the emcee gets back on stage, expressing how they marveled at the performance.

“Yeah.”

Wonwoo still feels winded. Jun’s rapid fluid movements, his whispers, how he conveyed his emotions through the performance, his wave at the end - it plays over and over in his mind. He shakes his head. Next was Soonyoung, he had to get his head out of the clouds.

Another video reel starts and it’s Soonyoung. His bleach hair was now a soft yellow, it reminded Wonwoo of sunflowers. His back is facing them, and he slowly turns towards them with a fierce expression. Wonwoo almost chokes. At that moment, relief washes over him. He doesn’t know if it’s just because he feels a tinge bit of guilt that he can’t get Junhui out of his mind.

The performance is a whirlwind, just like its name. Soonyoung is incredible. The power he gives at each move, and in addition to that, he composed the song himself and wrote the lyrics. He is debatably the best performer so far. Wonwoo is the first to stand and clap the moment it ended. He is filled with pride. It’s his best friend up there. It’s his best friend everyone is enthralled by. It’s his best friend. It’s Soonyoung.

Soonyoung feels so far away. Wonwoo feels like he’s swam to the middle of the ocean and Soonyoung is at the shore. His body feels heavy and he can’t breathe. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get why even though Soonyoung gave the performance of his life, all that’s ringing in his ears is Jun’s voice, whispering in the dark.

-

He goes backstage with Mingyu. He has brought yellow and purple irises for Soonyoung and Jun respectively. Yellow for Soonyoung’s passion, purple for Jun’s celebration. It oddly fit them well, especially with their new looks.

They’re entering the hallway when he sees Jun with his bright lilac hair.

Junhui is glowing. He looks absolutely brilliant and Wonwoo finds his throat running dry. The small boy who had sat beside him is talking with Jun. He looks so animated and Jun hugs him. Wonwoo feels happy for him. The boy had looked severely impressed after Jun’s performance, now his idol was hugging him tightly.

A moment after, he catches Jun’s eyes. He smiles so wide at Wonwoo, it’s blinding. He walks towards him until he is tackled from behind.

“JEON WONWOO I DID IT!”

Soonyoung all but screeches at him. He turns and sees his best friend looking so so happy. It’s like all the burdens he’s been carrying the past year has been lifted and his aura is sparkling.

He hands over the yellow flower to Soonyoung. “Congratulations.” He hugs Soonyoung who shakes him excitedly.

They let go and Soonyoung notices the other flower in his hand.

“Who’s that for?”

“Oh, it’s actually for Jun-” Wonwoo turns around but Jun has disappeared from the crowd of performers.

“Jun? You know Jun? Like Wen Junhui Jun? My Junhui?” It somehow annoys Wonwoo that Soonyoung claims Jun to be his.

“Yeah, we became friends at the library.”

Soonyoung gapes at him. “Hell, Wonwoo! Can’t believe you became friends with one of my closest orgmates without me knowing! We all have to hang out together some time!” He’s so excited and his adrenaline rush hasn’t dissipated yet.

Wonwoo grunts, still trying to find Jun’s distinctive hair. It’s like he just left. Why?

“Funny, he’s not here. Oh well, he’ll surely be at the after-party. Let’s just look for him there.” Soonyoung laughs it off but he feels the heaviness from earlier building up in his stomach.

-

When Wonwoo arrives at the party, Jun is preoccupied with almost everyone and can’t spare him a glance. He has never known that Jun is so popular. It’s not exactly surprising with his easy-going attitude and his friendly personality but he’s only been with Jun alone. He’s never seen him with others; he just knows the stories.

He eats with Soonyoung and Mingyu and lets himself out for some air at the veranda. He’s there for maybe five minutes, looking down at the road from the railing when a voice calls out to him.

“So, it was Soonyoung. Did you already know whenever I mentioned him from our conversations?” Jun is standing behind him. He doesn’t have his smile on. It hits Wonwoo.

“Yeah.” Wonwoo looks to the ground and to the iris. He looks back up at Jun. “Sorry for pretending I didn’t know you two knew each other. It… was difficult.”

Jun is quiet. It feels like forever until he finally responds. He finally smiles but it feels it’s been forced out of him; _it's because of him_ , Wonwoo thinks. Jun just smiles, a melancholic smile. “I get it Wonwoo. It was a secret after all and you had the right to decide who knew and who didn’t. It wasn’t hard to figure out after seeing the two of you together, and knowing well you know.” He’s moved to the railing beside Wonwoo and places his arms on them. “Ah! Don’t worry though, I won’t tell this to anyone, well, I haven’t told anyone about you liking anyone anyway so I think you can trust me on this.”

“I do.” Wonwoo means it. He doesn’t remember when he started to truly trust Jun but he’s absolutely sure now that he does.

Jun tries to be more cheerful. “Yeah, so we should head back to the others, shouldn’t we?”

“Jun, about the flower field…”

“Soonyoung’s leaving on the 16th, you’re going with him, aren’t you?” Jun doesn’t turn to look at him.

Wonwoo doesn’t answer right away. He waits, but Jun doesn’t turn. “Yeah.”

“It’s too bad about the field but it’s okay. Soonyoung’s been busy, hasn’t he? I think it’s good that you’ll be able to spend more time with him.”

“I’m sorry.”

Jun finally turns to face him. He’s smiling and it unnerves Wonwoo. He feels like someone has stomped all over his heart. “Oh come on, what are you apologizing for? It can’t be helped, can it? Oh, I just remembered I need to go and meet up with Minghao so I’ll go first. Have fun at the party!” Jun starts to walk away.

“Wait!” He grabs onto Jun’s long sleeve. The other boy stops immediately. He looks like this is the last place he’d rather be right now and Wonwoo sees it. He sees it but he can’t let it just end like this. Wonwoo coughs. He hands over the flower to Jun.

“Here, this was supposed to be for you. I really did mean to tell you Jun but I kept missing my chances and you had to- I’m sorry.” His voice falters.

Jun takes the flower. He seems to want to say something. He clutches at the flower before he faces Wonwoo.

“Thanks Wonwoo. I’ll see you around.” Jun bows at him and leaves him alone.

Wonwoo slumps onto the railing once he’s gone. He’s messed up. He knows Jun says it’s okay but he knows it’s not. He slides down to the floor and groans.

 

-

Jun doesn’t text him until the 16th. It’s a simple “Take care.” and it unnerves Wonwoo how it lacks any emoticons or emojis.

Before they leave the apartment, Mingyu’s friend Minghao shows up. He hands over lunchboxes to Soonyoung. Jun made them. He’s apparently feeling under the weather and sent Minghao to fulfill his promise of giving Soonyoung food for his trip. Wonwoo immediately brings up his phone.

 ** **Me:****  Hey, are you sick?

Wonwoo waits. He reaches the station but still no reply.

In the train, Soonyoung shares the meal with him. He doesn’t taste a thing. They reach their hometown, Jun hasn’t responded.

It’s evening when he gets a notification on his phone.

 ** **Jun:**** Don’t worry about me.

Is he an idiot? Telling Wonwoo something like that, of course he’d worry. Not to mention it took so long for him to reply.

 ** **Me:****  Of course I’d worry, idiot. Go and rest and get well soon.

The next morning comes. He has no new messages.

-

It’s nearing the New Year’s and they’ve decided to go star-gazing before the fireworks start filling up the skies. Most of their families are hanging around the dining room. They’ve done nothing special these past two weeks. Just bumming around and playing video games.

Wonwoo and Soonyoung are seated at their backyard porch.

Wonwoo looks at the boy beside him. Soonyoung’s face looks peaceful. Before, Wonwoo would try and imagine it’s because Soonyoung would rather not be anywhere else - as if his place by Wonwoo’s side was so natural and right, and yet now-

“Ah, I love the sky here! We can see all the stars! It’s too cloudy in Seoul.”

“Well it’s not just cloud, there’s fog, smog, high-rise buildings-”

Soonyoung playfully punches his arm. “Wonwoo-ya, you get what I mean!” His words have no bite and he has an easy grin on. Wonwoo finds himself smiling as well.

“You’re kinda like a star Soonyoung, you seem to shine wherever you are.” Wonwoo looks to the ground and closes his eyes. “You act really silly a lot of times but you actually give your full effort into everything. You try your best for everyone, even those that don’t deserve it. You’re really just so-” Wonwoo falters for a second. Here’s the moment. He waited six years and here is it. He looks at Soonyoung now and gets the rest of the words out, “You’re a good guy, Soonyoung, and that’s why I like you.”

Soonyoung blinks at him before exploding into a fit of giggles. “Aw Wonwoo-ya, I didn’t know you liked me so much. I love you too man though I can’t be anywhere as near poetic as you about it, hah!” Soonyoung holds Wonwoo’s other shoulder with one of his arms and points to the sky.

“You know, somewhere out there is this star called Spica which is like the brightest in the constellation Virgo or something. Spica is actually made of two stars going around each other. That sounds kinda like us, no? Two friends making each other shine bright by being there! You’ve always got my back and I’ve got yours!” Soonyoung looks at him.

Soonyoung’s smile is so bright, it’s overwhelming. Wonwoo has known all this time and maybe some part of him didn’t want to believe it but the truth has been laid bare. Yet, instead of the dread he expected to feel after all these years, Wonwoo feel light. He chuckles at his friend’s sentiment. It bubbles out of him so suddenly that the other boy laughs too. The quiet melancholy he prepared for seems so far away.

“Soonyoung, they don’t orbit around each other and they don’t make each other shine,” Wonwoo shakes his head, “They orbit around the same thing and just make the system look brighter because it’s a collective brightness.” He wonders how his voice is not about to break, how he can act like nothing has changed.

The smaller boy stares at him with disbelief and lets go of his shoulder. “No way! Is that really how it is?” Soonyoung’s mouth is shut into a thin line and eyes Wonwoo suspiciously. It’s a ridiculous look on him that Wonwoo coughs into his hand to barely avoid laughing.

“Yeah, I took a beginner physics course last semester. I am absolutely not messing with you.”

Soonyoung studies him carefully before throwing his arms up in the air. “Alright, I’ll believe you this time.” He goes back to watching the night sky and starts humming his music from the showcase.

Wonwoo looks away. His words didn’t quite reach Soonyoung the way he imagined they would all these years, but he’s okay. It does sting that in the end, Soonyoung didn’t understand what he had meant but he’s not the mess he thought he would be. He doesn’t think the tears he had always held to would come, not anymore. He feels content, as if a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. He’s no longer clinging on to a truth unsaid. Soonyoung loves him, not in the same way, but it’s enough. It may be more than enough. Soonyoung’s his best friend and he’s proud of it. He doesn’t feel like it’s a lie at all to say he’s fine.

Junhui flashes in his mind suddenly and Wonwoo wonders if he’ll get to see the flower field with him this upcoming spring. That would be nice.

 

-

Wonwoo doesn’t see Jun the first two weeks he’s back. He hangs around the library as usual but he doesn’t show up. Wonwoo considers texting him the first week but thought it’d be strange. He never was the first to reach out to Junhui. Usually, he went along with whatever and responded when necessary. He didn’t get a single text during the break since that first day and wonders if Jun had been mad at him for lying, or rather, omitting the truth from him. He considers asking Soonyoung how his orgmate is but maybe he is just being paranoid. Wonwoo isn’t sure at all how to deal with this. He does text “I brought you back a souvenir” that first weekend, but Jun doesn’t reply. Jun always replies, or at least he used to. Something is building up in Wonwoo’s stomach and it fills him with dread.

When the second week rolls around, he spots Jun with his showcase partner walking around campus while he was with Mingyu and Seungkwan. He stares at them but he has no idea what he should do.

“Hyung, what’s wrong?” Seungkwan waves a hand in front of his face.

He swats it down. “Hm. Nothing. I just thought I saw someone I know.”

“Huh. Oh it’s Xu Minghao.” Wonwoo shifts his view to Mingyu. He remembers Mingyu saying they were friends when they watched.

“Someone you know, Mingyu-hyung?”

“Yeah, we met in Beginners Taekwondo PE and he was my partner.” Mingyu suddenly busies himself with his meal.

“So you’re just acquaintances I guess?”

Mingyu stops eating and visibly frowns. He chugs down a glass of water. “We’re…friends. We don’t get along but we do, if that makes any sense. We just fight a lot but fundamentally we’re on the same wavelength.” Wonwoo remembers how Mingyu’s eyes shined during the My I performance. He sort of gets what the other boy is saying.

Seungkwan doesn’t seem to get it but he no longer pries. Wonwoo likes that about him. He knows what to do with the mood and actually chooses his words carefully. It’s actually quite amazing considering how talkative Seungkwan is. You can still trust him to always be considerate of you.

“That guy beside him is pretty handsome,” Seungkwan remarks.

“Your type, Seungkwan?” Mingyu doesn’t ask to tease, he asks in earnest, but Wonwoo almost chokes.

“Nah, just telling it as it is. Hey hyung, are you alright?” Wonwoo is knocking his chest and coughing. He holds up a hand at Seungkwan.

Wonwoo wipes his mouth. “It’s nothing.”

“Hey, they’re coming over.” Wonwoo doesn’t look up just yet.

“Ah! It’s Mingyu.” He remembers the deeper voice from the My I performance.

“Hey.” He recognizes his voice. Of course he does. He just. He might have been looking for Jun for the past two weeks but he is totally caught off guard right now.

When he finally looks up, Jun is right in front of him. He gives Wonwoo a small smile. “Wonwoo… Can I talk to you for a second?”

He blinks. His nerves are acting up. “Uh…yeah, sure. I’ll be back.” He stands up and follows Junhui.

-

They find themselves at some wall behind one of the nearby departments. The place is thankfully empty.

Jun’s hair is back to black. The purple and blond had looked good on him but Wonwoo decides that black is his favorite.

Jun leans on the wall, hands in his hoodie’s pockets. “Sorry for not replying, I’ve been busy. I also ended up going back home for the vacation and was only really active on weibo. Anyways, I was gonna text about meeting you but here you are.”

Wonwoo bows at Jun. His arms by his side and his upper body at a ninety-degree angle. “I’m sorry.”

Jun gets off the wall and holds him by his shoulders. “Hey, hey, I already told you that you had nothing to apologize for.”

Wonwoo doesn’t move. “No. I should have told you. I had been basically lying to you. I’m sorry.”

“Wonwoo. I told you it’s okay. I forgive you already. It’s no big deal.” Wonwoo looks up and Jun looks exasperated. He straightens up and looks at Jun directly in the eye.

“You’re an important friend to me Jun.”

Jun sighs. He tightens his grip onto Wonwoo’s shoulders. “You are to me too. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep up with you this past few weeks. Life’s gotten a bit, well, life.” Wonwoo is silent.

“C’mon, let’s hug it out.”

And so they do. Wonwoo feels great relief in it. Jun rubs his back. He hums a familiar tune. It puts Wonwoo at ease.

They let go and Jun smiles at Wonwoo. This time, it radiates like it always had.

He leans back on the wall. “So anything good happen back at home?”

Wonwoo leans beside him. “I wouldn’t describe it as good.”

“Uh-oh, what happened?”

Wonwoo takes in a deep breathe before he speaks. “I told Soonyoung how I felt.”

Jun looks stunned. Well, he can’t say he wasn’t surprised with himself either. “So, what happened?”

“Nothing happened.” Wonwoo closes his eyes. “It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.”

Jun pats his hair. “Maybe you’ve been mentally prepared for rejection for the longest time, so when it came, it stung less than you thought it would.”

Wonwoo evades Jun’s eyes. “Well I wasn’t rejected per say.”

“What?”

He sighs. “He didn’t really get that I was confessing I guess.”

Jun crosses his arms and looks to the sky. It’s his thinking face. He’s not the type to scold, comforting is more of his specialty.

“You can say I ran away. It’s okay but I-I already know. He doesn’t feel the same way and it’s fine.” And it is fine. He truly knows that now.

“Hey, you don’t know that. Why are you throwing away your chance before you really confirm anything?” Jun asks in a soft voice. He almost squeaks it out.

Wonwoo looks at him tentatively. A smile tugs at him. “Jun. Thanks.”

He leans his head back and looks to the sky. He can’t see the stars but he knows they’re there. “I’ve known him for almost six years. I just know. I know him best.” He looks back at Jun and places a hand on his arm. “And I’m okay, I really am.”

There’s some understanding there, even if he doesn’t get it fully. “Do you think you still got a happy ending then?”

Wonwoo breathes out a laugh. “Yeah. Not all happy endings end with requited feelings and a kiss.”

Jun starts to laugh. “I guess not.” It’s a nice sight. He feels like it’s been forever since he’s heard Jun laugh.

“Are you still up for the flower field trip?”

Jun raises an eyebrow at him. “You still wanna go?”

“You promised me breathlessness,” he jokingly sings out.

Jun looks away contemplatively. “Maybe February then. I’m still a bit busy now.”

Wonwoo won’t push him. “Okay.”

On their way back to the others, Jun tells him, “For what it’s worth, Soonyoung always told me his best friend was the best person.”

He’s lucky. He’s lucky that it was Soonyoung who he fell in love with.“Do you think he’s right?”

“Second to me I guess.” Jun grins at him. The heaviness in Wonwoo’s stomach feels like it was never there.

 

-

Wonwoo’s in the library. It’s early morning and hardly anyone is there. Or at least, that’s what Wonwoo thinks.

”Jun must be busy huh.” Joshua appears before him. Wonwoo doesn’t understand how someone in their graduating year looks so fresh despite having both their library assistant duties, and their thesis project.

“Hi, hyung.” Wonwoo brings his novel down.

“You seem chirpy.” Joshua sits in Jun’s usual seat.

Wonwoo sighs. “Just tired.”

Joshua is silent for two beats before he speaks, “Hey, I don’t know if it was supposed to be a surprise, but Jun asked me to look if a certain book was in collection. It originally wasn’t, but I found it in the stocks - wait, give me a second.”

The older boy stands up and heads to the staircase. When he comes back, he’s holding a squarish picture book. He hands it over to Wonwoo who immediately recognizes it.

“Ah.”

The Legend of Hana: The Last Flower Witch has its title character jumping in joy, surrounded by flowers on the cover. He recognizes the flowers to be snapdragons. _Graciousness and strength_. Hana is Wonwoo’s first hero. He was severely disappointed when he learned flower magic isn’t real.

“I think I used this when I first came to Korea. Pretty deep story for a children’s story.” Wonwoo smiles at the thought. He loves this story and it seems to keep tying him to other people.

Wonwoo takes the book and examines its pages. “Jun said the same thing.”

Jun asked Joshua for this. No, Jun asked this for him. Jun was thinking of him this much…right? Then why was Jun acting so weird? Why is he feeling so shitty?

He looks up when Joshua doesn’t reply. His sunbae gives him a look that screams that he was implying something but Wonwoo didn’t know what.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Joshua’s mouth start to curve, like he’s hiding a secret. “Nothing. You looked real happy at first and then…anyway, I’m glad you guys hit it off. Soonyoung must have been real happy his close friends became friends too.” Soonyoung knew Joshua too from when Soonyoung attended his past poetry slams, and they got along since they had the same sense of humour.

“We didn’t become friends because of Soonyoung,” Wonwoo says as a matter-of-fact

“Really? It must be fate then.” Joshua chuckles.

Wonwoo narrows his eyes at him. “You said the same thing before. Do you really believe in those kinds of things?”

“Well, sometimes you just click with certain people and it feels right.” Joshua tries to gesture something in the air as he articulates his words. “Fate is something you decide to believe in and I guess I do.”

He takes a contemplative pause. “Though I guess I don’t believe in the red string of fate that much, though it’s a fun idea. I mean, just because you fall in love with someone else, it doesn’t mean whatever you had with the person before or people before was never meaningful. It doesn’t mean what you felt for them before wasn’t real or true. People change, and so do people.”

Wonwoo wonders. Maybe. Just maybe. He hesitates.

He crosses his arms at the edge of the table. “Hey hyung, have you ever hanged on to your first love because for the longest time, it just seemed impossible to ever feel the same for someone else?”

Joshua blinks at him and shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever fallen in love before. I don’t know if I’m that interested in it either.”

Wonwoo can’t help feel some disappointment creep in. Joshua reaches over to his hand. Wonwoo looks up and Joshua smiles softly at him. “I don’t think it’s impossible though. It’s hard to let go of someone you’ve treasured for a long time. You don’t have to stop loving them though. You can still be friends.”

Wonwoo opens his mouth and closes it again. He takes a second before he speaks again, “How do I know that I’m not substituting someone for what I couldn’t have?”

Joshua shakes his head. “Only you’ll know for sure I think.” Wonwoo’s shoulder slump as he sighs.

Joshua squeezes Wonwoo’s arm. “Stop thinking about it too hard Wonwoo-ya.” He proceeds to tap his heart twice “You have to listen to your heart.” He knows his hyung is using a joking tone on him to cheer him up and it does. He remembers Jun telling him how he liked the older boy for his kindness and openness. He’d do the most ridiculous thing without a care of what someone thought. Wonwoo hopes he can be brave like that too.

He squeezes Joshua’s hand back. “You’re a good speaker hyung, you truly belong to the business course.” He smiles.

Joshua chuckles. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

 

-

Jun starts texting Wonwoo again. Not as often as he used to but it’s more than anything he’s been given for the 5 weeks. Sometimes he tries to initiate the contact. He takes a picture of a flower and explains what it means. His responses are short.

It somehow feels worst than being ignored all together.

As the weeks pass by however, the emoticons are slowly been coming back. Wonwoo sees it as a good sign. He’s been trying to take more random pictures and sending them to Jun. They still don’t meet, but for now, it feels like how it was last year - easy.

Near the end of February, Jun texts him if he’s free that last weekend. He cleared most of his weekends for February. Not that that Jun is the cause of any of that.

He immediately responds and he’s sent an itinerary. When and where they’re going, when they’ll meet, what their stops are. Wonwoo starts getting ready even though the the trip is still a few days away.

-

He meets Jun at the library at 7am. It’s an ungodly hour but Jun greets him happily. He’s wearing slacks and a mid-length polo and for once, has a backpack instead of his duffel bag. Wonwoo feels nervous for some reason. It’s been more than a month since they last met but Jun no longer feels like a stranger again. It reliefs Wonwoo but his heart won’t seem to settle.

It takes them the whole day to make the trip. It’s almost as things never got weird between them. Wonwoo starts to think that the awkwardness was all in his head. Or even worse, that it feels like it only really mattered to him. He puts his thoughts away, he doesn’t want to ruin their trip with his negative thoughts filling his head.

As they climb towards the hill near the flower field, Jun runs ahead, turns back to him and shouts.

“Ready for a beautiful sight!”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go already,” Wonwoo says as he approaches the other boy.

“I guess belated Valentine’s Day,” Jun jokes.

Wonwoo scoffs. “Aren’t you a romantic?”

-

The field Junhui brings him to is amazing. It was definitely the better choice to have skipped going here in the winter. The snow would have been beautiful but this was breathtaking. The field was an assortment of flowers in full bloom: Red peonies, purple and pink sweet pea, yellow tulips, blue hyacinths, and so many others - all bright in contrast to their fading green stalks and leaves. It was the mark of life. After a harsh winter, spring always comes and softens everything, coaxes the best in people, and brings life back to the earth. This is exactly why Wonwoo loved spring. His excitement must have been obvious because Jun was humming happily beside him, as if to say ‘I told you so’.

Wonwoo gets his phone and begins walking around, taking pictures of the whole field, taking care not to step on the flowers themselves. The whole field faced a mountain range in the distance and the blue outlines made a great backdrop to the flora. It’s all so breathtaking and he feels overwhelmed with whatever was stirring in his chest. Elation? Gratitude? A rushing feeling he can’t quite describe. He takes in the whole scene before calling out to the humming boy who hasn’t left the center of the field. “This place is great, Jun,” Wonwoo starts, “It’s really beautiful, exactly what I was looking for, thank you.”

He doesn’t know what compels him but he decides to snap a picture the exact moment Jun turns around to look at him. The wind breezed through his hair, which has grown enough to the length from when they had first met. His hair is flying everywhere but it doesn’t cover his deep brown eyes or his easy-going smile. Jun looks unbelievably soft and unreal, and in that instant,  Wonwoo’s eyes dilate and his breathing slows. The veil’s finally been lifted, and now, with absolute clarity, Wonwoo knows.

Jun approaches him by spinning dramatically with his arms out. He has a playful look in his eyes now. Once he reaches Wonwoo, he looks to the mountain scene.

“Have you ever watched Cinderella and the Four Knights?”

Wonwoo shakes his head but keeps his eyes on Jun. Junhui snorts and turns to him with a lopsided smile . It seems like he’s about to start another of his melodramatic speeches but Wonwoo doesn't want to look away.

“Good drama. Anyways, the confession scene goes where the main characters are in the field and the girl is kinda going off and the guy walks towards her before he smushes their faces together!” Junhui does a dramatic action with his hands pushing two invisible masses together.

Wonwoo, in his most serious voice responds, “That sounds very unromantic.”

Laughter bubbles out of Junhui. “The actual drama executes it a hundred times better than what I’ve described. It really was romantic. All the tension led up to that one perfect moment. It made me want to go to a flower field so badly.”

Wonwoo tries to stop himself, but the bitter words come out, “Wouldn’t you have been happier coming here with someone you like though?”

Jun looks away again. His smile is gone and what has replaced it is a painfully normal-looking face. Wonwoo’s not an expert at poker faces, but he’d be damned if this wasn’t one. Jun opens his mouth and closes it again. He’s hesitant. Just as Wonwoo decides to break the silence, Jun speaks.

“What if I said, I’m already with him right now?”

Wonwoo thinks he stops breathing. The moment he regains himself, he finds himself making strides towards Jun, who turns around, sporting a wide grin. “Just kidding.”

The two of them are only inches apart now. Wonwoo reaches Jun’s hand and holds it in earnest. Jun jerks back in surprise but doesn’t let go of the contact. The two look at each other and Wonwoo lets out a breath, “Are you really?”

Jun remains silent. It’s not the type that Wonwoo has grown accustomed to. Jun always gives you the space you need. He doesn’t push you even when he wants to. His silence usually means that you can take your time and he’ll wait for you. This time Jun is not letting Wonwoo push, he’s asking him to let it go. But if he lets go now, will it be over? Wonwoo thinks it’s worth a shot to at least try.

Wonwoo holds his hand tighter. “I told you that you helped me prepare for the rejection. It’s not a lie but it’s not the total truth.I was ready for the blow. I was ready to feel like my heart would shatter and that I’d cry it all out that night; but I didn’t. After I said the words “I liked you”, I felt relieved. I think I hanged on to them for so long that I didn’t realize that I didn’t even mean it anymore, at least, not the way I used to. ”

“And I think it’s because of you.” Jun’s breathing hitches.

Wonwoo moves his hands to Jun’s sides instead. “I think I’ve been moving on without realizing it. When I got home Junhui, all I could think about was you. I thought about your performance and how captivating you were; about how you knew my favorite children’s book from my off-handed comment. I thought about how you seem so sure of yourself all the time because I know you’ve worked hard to get to where you are now. I thought about the first time I met you and how you helped a complete stranger; how yours eyes shine when you talk about your brother or your dancing; how I wanted them to shine in the same way when you looked at me-”

Wonwoo stops. Jun is gaping at him. His cheeks are tinted red and his hair is a mess. He seems to be hanging on to every word Wonwoo is saying. He says the next few words carefully. “After coming back from home, “I like Jun….probably.” is what I thought.”

Jun’s hands are suddenly pulling at Wonwoo’s cheeks. Wonwoo is forced to look at Jun right in the eyes. “Probably is not good enough Jeon Wonwoo, what the fuck.” There’s hurt in those words.

Wonwoo reaches out to Jun’s hands. “Let me finish dummy. Anyway, that’s what I thought, up until we came here.” He brings their hands down and grabs his phone.

“This will be the most embarrassing thing I’ll ever say but this is probably the moment I knew that I do.” He shows Jun the picture he took of him earlier, looking straight at him against the flowers and the sunset and the mountains. It looks so picturesque, an almost-too-good-to-be-true moment to be have been captured by a mere camera phone.

Jun looks at him skeptically. “That sounds so ridiculous.” His tone however, has lightened up, almost as if he were laughing. Wonwoo feels a bit dizzy. Why did Jun suddenly look so much more handsome now that he’s realized his feelings? What sort of magic was this?

“I know, that’s why I didn’t wanna say it.” Wonwoo coughs. “But it’s true.”

He can’t help grinning. Jun bursts out in laughter. He holds his stomach with one hand and holds on to Wonwoo with the other for support. His giggling is contagious and Wonwoo starts laughing as well.

As he’s coughing in an attempt to regain composure, Jun steadies his hold on Wonwoo. He looks up and says in an even voice, “Listen Jeon Wonwoo, you’re about to hear a confession ten times better than your cheesy one.”

“I was ready to wait for you to get over Soonyoung because I knew I didn’t wanna give you up. Even though I knew it could hurt me, I-I chose you. I chose this lame Wonwoo who loves dumb puns, and books, and flowers.”

“And you.” Junhui’s grip becomes tighter. “But how is that any better than mine? You’re such a narcissist.”

“It definitely is! And besides I said it’d only be ten times better not a hundred.” Junhui shrugs and laughs. Wonwoo bear-hugs Jun and rests his head in the crook of his neck.

“Junhui, I like you. I like you so much.”

Junhui lifts his hands to Wonwoo’s back and hugs him back. He rests his head against Wonwoo’s. “Yeah, I like you too.”

In the 22nd spring of Jeon Wonwoo’s life, he remembers the feelings of seeing the scene of flowers when he was but a child. He remembers the warm feeling in his heart and how the happiness sprung up from nowhere and filled up his entire being from taking up the beauty of the spectacle. At this moment where he holds Junhui and where he looks at him as if he were the world and where Junhui looks at him the same way - it’s at this exact moment that he is sure that he has the same fluttery feelings.  Like Jun promised, he feels breathless. In the next moment, Wonwoo leans in and closes the distance between them.

**Author's Note:**

> OH WOW I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY FINISHED THIS. I actually really hated this fic because it just never seemed to end BUT IT'S FINALLY FINISHED, THANK LORD. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS EVEN THO IT'S SO LONG ;-;
> 
> If this was ooc or smth...uhm sorry hahahahuhuhu . Shucks, this was most done during the wee hours of several early mornings and was mostly me cringing from the embrrassment of my own words. It's super cheesy, I think, but they're both cheesy people HAHAHAHA.
> 
> FUN FACT BABY'S BREATH MEANS EVERLASTING LOVE HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA.
> 
> This story took so long and I've never written anything this long before and somehow it has reached 22k!! I'm so sorry this a/n will be so long but shucks the longest thing I've ever written before this was only 3k and I'm amazed I even reached 5k at first, let alone 25k??? Tears only. Anyway I hope that somehow these 25k words were coherent;;; 
> 
> If any of you wondering why Joshua is everyone's crush, well that's because I'm a Shua stan lol.
> 
> Come shout to me about svt, and pledisfam (and vixx and bipo ahem) at my twitter @boonotboss 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed reading!


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